


Call me whenever you want

by Jerana



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, BDSM, Bad Parenting, Bondage, Bottom Steve Rogers, Dirty Talk, Dom Bucky Barnes, Dom/sub, Ignored Safeword, Insecure Steve Rogers, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Phone Sex, Phone Sex Worker Bucky Barnes, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Punishment, Self-Hatred, Sex Shop, Sex Toys, Spanking, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Sub Steve Rogers, Top Bucky Barnes, bdsm club
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:40:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27248170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jerana/pseuds/Jerana
Summary: Steve had always known that the desires hidden deep inside of him were wrong. He shouldn’t want to give up control and he definitely shouldn’t want to be tied up. But then one day his best friend Nat gave him the number of a BDSM sex hotline and Steve caved. That’s when everything went wrong.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 284
Kudos: 360





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome back to a new story. We have Stevie as a mess again, yay. 
> 
> Steve is gonna think very badly about BDSM, consider yourself warned.
> 
> Thanks Jess for reading over, and thanks Ships for half of the idea I guess? And also to the rest of the Discord server: you're all amazing. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the story. I appreciate kudos and comments very much <3

The moment Steve realized he was different was one of the most uncomfortable situations in his entire life. He was invited to tag along with his co-workers who planned to hang out at a bar on Friday night after work. Even though he could imagine a million better things than getting drunk with a bunch of people he didn’t even like, Steve said yes because he heard his Ma’s voice in the back of his mind, reminding him to socialize. 

His co-workers were pretentious assholes and Steve knew it. They accepted Steve because he looked like a beefcake with arms bigger than the average guy’s thighs and a shoulder to waist ratio that looked almost ridiculous, but they tend to ignore his -in their eyes-  _ less manly _ features. Like the fact that he was gay or his shyness. 

Steve had told them, obviously. He hadn’t been in the closet since he was twelve. But they barely acknowledged his confession and continued pretending he liked women. If Steve had to see one more picture of naked breasts at work, he would punch the wall. 

So he already knew the evening would end in a disaster, but he wasn’t prepared for how bored he actually got to be. They spent the entire night drinking beer, watching sports, and talking about women, three things Steve wasn’t interested in. At least, they didn’t expect him to participate in the conversation, so he was quiet and closed his eyes in embarrassment as they started to flirt drunkenly with the waitress. 

It was a particular moment that ruined the evening for Steve. Jeff, the worst of his co-workers, pulled out his phone and showed them a video that made everyone laugh. Everyone but Steve. 

"Look at that, Steve,” he bellowed. “The faggot likes to lick his boots. Such a weakling.”

Anger boiled in Steve’s stomach, but he still took the phone and watched the video everyone was laughing about. A naked man, just as muscular as Steve himself, kneeled in front of an even bigger man, his wrists bound behind his back. His legs were spread and he leaned forward, so he could lick the boots of the other man. 

Steve knew his co-workers expected him to be disgusted, hell, Steve expected to be disgusted  _ himself _ , but when he looked at the man licking the boots, he felt overwhelming jealousy.  _ He _ wanted to be the man.  _ He _ wanted to kneel there, hands bound behind his back. And at the same time, he wanted to rip the thought out of his brain. 

“Very funny,” Steve got out, trying not to vomit all over the table. He just wanted to leave, to go home and hide in his bed. 

Still, Steve waited half an hour before he excused himself, afraid his co-workers would connect the dots. He was fine with being gay, he was fine with being shy and quiet. But he wasn’t fine with wanting to be a little bitch for another man. Something inside of him had to be sick.

Years later, when Steve finally found the courage to quit his job, his life became better,  _ easier.  _ He had still troubles opening up, but he began to accept himself more and more with every passing day. 

Steve rarely thought back to his old co-workers and the toxic pressure they put on him. He rarely thought back about having anxieties because he had to go to work. But every night, Steve opened the laptop to sink into a world of kink and urges he couldn’t suppress anymore. 

  
  


~*~

The first one Steve talked with about his secret desires was Nat. He had met her on the first day at his new work and they immediately got along. She was nothing like his old co-workers and Steve found himself opening up to her quickly. The only problem was her infuriating capability to read his face.

“What’s wrong,” Nat asked him one day when they went to a tiny café for lunch. 

Steve blushed furiously. He had spent last night looking up kinky porn online, so he had been a little fidgety at work. Guilt had come crashing down every time he thought back to the intense orgasm he had had, with his fingers buried deep inside of him while he had savored the intense burn coming from opening himself up too quickly. 

“Nothing.”

Nat snorted. “Of course. Steve, you’re the worst liar in the world.” 

“I’m not.”  _ He was.  _

She raised her eyebrows and took a sip of the coffee she had ordered a while ago. Her eyes didn’t once leave his face. “You can’t tell a single lie without blushing.”

“So?”

“So you indirectly told me something is up.”

There was no sense in lying to Nat. As much as Steve liked her, he was equally huffy she could read him so easily. 

“Fine! Something is up,” Steve confirmed while he did his best to avoid her gaze. “It’s not important.”

Nat sighed and rolled her eyes. “Steve, you’ve been squirmy the whole day. It is important.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” he said, crossing his arms like a child close to throwing a tantrum. It was just her endurance, to dig and dig and dig until Steve spilled all his secrets, that made him  _ crazy _ . 

“Okay.”

“Okay?” That was it? No attempts to make him talk? No sarcastic remark, not even a scoff? 

Nat gave him a small smile and leaned back in her chair. “Yes, Steve. It’s okay.”

They were silent. Why were they silent? Wasn’t she supposed to pressure him like she always did? 

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” Steve sounded like a child and she gave him one of her infuriating smirks. 

“You’ve already mentioned.”

“I just wanna say it, in case you forgot,” Steve defended himself, knowing exactly how ridiculous the excuse was. He couldn’t stop thinking about his secret, how it preyed on his mind. He was a ticking timebomb of guilt and lust, afraid he might explode in the wrong moment. 

“I didn’t forget Steve.”

“Oh.”

They were silent again. Steve hated it. He had too much time thinking about the weight he was carrying. What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he just be normal? His father would disown him if he would ever figure out what Steve wanted so badly. Hell, they had barely accepted his homosexuality.

Eventually, Steve couldn’t stand the silence anymore. “It’s embarrassing.”

“If it’s too embarrassing, keep it to yourself.”

“It’s not  _ that _ embarrassing. It’s wrong I guess.”

Nat rose her eyebrows. “Steve, stop playing games with me. Either you tell me, or not.” Even though her words were rather harsh, she didn’t sound irritated at all. 

Steve swallowed before he spoke again, his gaze fixed on the empty coffee cup in front of him. “I’m into kink.” When nothing came after a few seconds passed, Steve looked up again. 

He expected her to look at him appalled, but her expression remained neutral. “And?”

“I’m into some really weird stuff,” Steve tried to explain carefully.

“Everyone is into weird stuff, Steve. Sex is weird overall.”

“But I’m into even weirder stuff.”

Nat looked at him as if she didn’t believe a word he said. “Do you want to bang your uncle in your old room at your parent’s house?”

“NO!”  _ Did she seriously just ask that? _

“Do you want to ride a tentacle monster while aliens are watching you?”

“God, Nat. No. What are you thinking about me?” Steve wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole. 

She shrugged. “Then I don’t know what you’re into that could be considered weird. And even if. You do you. I don't judge.”

Steve swallowed heavily. “I want someone to take control of me. I want to kneel in front of him, service him, present for him. I want him to spank me, to tie me up. I want him to  _ own me _ , Nat.”

Nat just looked at him as if they were talking about work stuff or lunch plans. “Nothing, I haven’t heard before.”

_ She- She had heard about that before?  _ Steve knew he wasn’t the only one, or there wouldn’t be kinky porn on the internet, but it was totally different to know Nat wasn’t unfamiliar with the topic.

“You’ve… You’ve heard about this before?”

“Sure. I’m going to a kink club every weekend, Steve. Even though I prefer to control someone, rather than being controlled.” 

Nat wasn’t only familiar with the topic, she liked it as well? Even though she liked the other side, the  _ less humiliating  _ side, she might still get him more than anyone else in the world. Maybe she could help him to get over the sick urges?

“You… you’re into kink as well?”

  
“Always have been. I can take you to the club if you want.” She said it so casually, Steve almost flinched and his stomach turned at the proposal. 

“NO!” He yelled louder than he had intended. 

“Alright, alright. No reason to get all defensive.”

Steve couldn’t just go to a kink club. It was wrong. Everything about this was wrong. Maybe Nat could. She was strong and confident, everything Steve would never be. No one would dare to judge her. But him? He couldn’t just walk in there. What if someone saw him?

Apparently, Nat could see the fear on his face because she gave him a pitiful look before she had mercy with him and changed the topic. The conversation spiraled around other things like work, Nat’s brother Bucky and Steve’s new TV, but in the back of his mind, Steve was still thinking about what Nat had said. He wanted to see it so badly, wanted to experiences it just once. Before Steve’s thoughts could become even worse, he pushed them back again. It was wrong. He did the right thing. He just had to resist. 

They paid for lunch and walked back to work again, but before Steve could enter the building, Nat stopped him for the last time. She pressed a black business card into his hand. 

“Just in case you’ll change your mind. Call this number. Ask for James. You don’t have to use your real name to get a first impression of BDSM.”

Steve looked at her appalled. “Is this like… a phone sex hotline?”

“Yes, Steve. It’s a sex hotline for BDSM.” She turned around and left him there, anxiously staring at the card in his hand. He would throw it away. Later. When nobody could find it anymore.  _ Definitely! Really!  _ However, he wouldn’t call.

  
  


~*~

It took two days before Steve’s resolve crumbled. He sat on the couch for an hour, staring at the black card that seemed to mock him.  _ Magic Desires. Call, and your deepest desires will come true.  _

Steve had already thrown it away twice, hidden in old newspapers, but each time, he had pulled it back out. He shouldn't call, it was wrong.  _ Nat _ was wrong. Eventually, Steve pulled out his phone despite his concerns. A quick call wouldn’t hurt. He didn’t have to do anything. 

The ringing was too loud in his ears, and Steve flinched as a woman with a friendly voice picked up. 

“This is Magic Desires, you’re speaking with Wanda. What can I do for you?”  _ Fuck _ , Steve hadn’t thought about what he wanted to say. 

“Uh- I- I wanna talk to James.”

“Sure, give me a second. What’s your name?”

“Steve R-... Steve Grant.”  _ Shit,  _ he had almost told her his real name. Steve was already fucking it up. 

“Alright, Steve Grant. First time?”

“Y-yes.”

“Hang on. James will be there for you in a second.”

Waiting was torture. It gave Steve too much time to think. Just when he wanted to hang up, James picked up. 

“Hello, Steve. Wanda told me you’re new.”

_ Oh, no.  _ Steve was so fucked. James' voice was deep and gravelly, radiating dominance with every word. The sound made Steve’s stomach flutter with arousal and he had to press his lips together to stop a whimper.

He shouldn’t like this. He shouldn’t even have called. Why had he thought he could hang up again? “Um- I- that’s…” 

His voice broke and Steve knew he was making a fool of himself. He couldn’t do this. James was probably already thinking that Steve was crazy. Steve’s breath picked up and he could feel his hands starting to sweat. This had been a mistake. He couldn’t… He just couldn’t...

“Sh, Steve, breathe. It’s alright. You’re safe. No need to panic.” James' voice was calm and steady, helping Steve to regulate his breathing. 

“...kay.”

“Just breathe with me. In. Out. In. Out. Good boy.”

Steve focused on the voice, focused on James and his words. It didn’t take long for him to calm down, but he didn’t stop James. He let the voice wash over him, desperately listening to every word the man said.

“Are you feeling better?”

There was no way Steve could lie to James, even though he wanted him to keep talking. “Yes, thank you, James.”

“So polite.” Steve could hear amusement in James’ voice and it made him blush in embarrassment. He hated the surge of arousal that went through his body, but he couldn’t bring himself to hang up. His own body was a traitor. 

“Alright, Steve. Tell me why you called.”

“I- I don’t- um…”

He couldn’t say it. He couldn’t talk about the sick urges he always felt. James was tall in his imagination, with broad shoulders and dark hair. He towered over Steve, a confident smirk on his face while Steve couldn’t do anything to stop him, couldn’t even move. 

_ ‘Do you want me?’ imaginary-James whispered. ‘Do you want me to control you? To ruin you? To show you what a little slut you are?’  _ Steve’s thoughts started to spiral, arousal and horror mixing together until he felt the familiar panic rising again. He couldn’t… James would...

“Hey, it’s fine. Just listen to me. You’re doing great.” It was James’ real voice that pulled Steve out of his thoughts again. “Steve, please make a sound and tell me you’re fine.”

“I’m fine,” Steve croaked, the ‘ _ don’t worry about me’  _ dying in his throat.

“Good boy. Tell me, Steve. Do you have any experience with BDSM?”

James asked a question. Good. He could focus on that. “N-no.”

“I thought so. Do you know what a safeword is?”

Steve knew what a safeword was. He had watched enough porn, read enough threads, to understand the basics at least. To his own embarrassment, Steve had spent countless hours researching, even though he promised himself he wouldn’t try it out. 

“Y-yes, James. It’s a word that makes you stop.”

“That’s good, Steve.” The praise made a shiver run down Steve’s spine. “If we have a scene and it becomes too much, I’ll immediately stop if you say it. Do you have a safe word, Steve?”

“Um, uh, n-no, Sir. I’m sorry.” He should have thought more before he called. Now he was just wasting James’ time. 

“Hey, Steve. Nothing to be sorry for. We all start at some point. Have you heard of the stoplight system before?”

“G-green for good, yellow for slow down, and r-red for s-stop?” 

Bucky let out a purr in response and Steve could feel his own cock twitching. The man was already ruining his self-preservation with a few simple questions. “Such a good boy, Stevie. We’re going with this for the beginning. So what do you say if you want me to stop?”

“Red, S-Sir.”

“Yes, that’s right. Good, Steve. You’re a natural. Such a sweet thing.”

Steve couldn’t stop the whimper that slipped past his lips. It was loud, James couldn’t have missed it, and Steve felt himself blushing even more in shame. He was pathetic, a picture of weakness, but he had never loved it more than in this moment. James was taking all his guards down. 

“I have a few rules you have to follow for this to work out. First of all, call me James or Sir. Nothing else. I won’t tolerate disrespect.”

“Yes, Sir.” Steve was good at following rules. He could do this. 

“Good boy. Second, I want you to tell me when it gets too much. I won’t be disappointed if you use your safewords, Steve. They are as much for you as they are for me. I want to keep you safe. Do you understand?” 

Steve nodded before he realized James couldn’t see him. “I understand, James.”

James' voice changed, firmness was replaced by empathy. “Steve, since this is our first meeting today, I’ll ask you for your consent before we try out something new. Alright. Tell me where you are at the moment.”

“In my bedroom.” He had thought about picking the living room first, but this was about sex, wasn’t it?

“We haven’t talked enough for you to know me yet, but in the future, I expect a detailed description when I ask you this question. I do not only want to know which room you’re in, I want to know if you are on the bed or on the floor, if you kneel or present, I want to know every single detail, Steve. So try again. Where are you at the moment.” James’ voice was dripping with dominance and Steve was eager to obey.

“I’m in my bedroom, Sir. Sitting on the edge of the bed, facing the door.”

James purred in response. “Well done, boy. Are you dressed?”

“Yes, Sir. I’m wearing jeans and a sweater.”

“Take off your jeans, but keep on the rest. I don’t want to overwhelm you and I don’t want you to be cold.”

“N-now?” He wasn’t prepared for this. James didn’t even ask him to strip completely, and Steve already considered dropping out. The command was equally frightening and arousing, and Steve had to admit that his cock hardened in his pants.

“Steve!” James had been patient before, but it slowly ran out. The displeasure in James’ voice felt as if Steve had let him down, instantly compelling Steve to undress.

“Now, Sir?” He was already undoing his zipper. 

“Yes, now, or I would have specified. Are you still green, Steve?”

“Yes, Sir.” He was too far gone to think about why this wasn’t a good idea. James’ approval was everything that mattered now and there was little he wouldn’t do for the man. It was dangerous, Steve didn’t know James. He could only rely on Nat’s recommendation. 

“Good. I want you to kneel in front of your bed. Legs spread. You can sit back on your heels and rest your face on your bed. Is that alright with you, sweet thing?”

“Y-Yes, Sir.”

Everything would be alright with him if it would just please James. Steve took off his pants completely and followed the order, kneeling exactly how he was supposed to. He immediately relaxed. James got him, James would know what to do.

The hard floor felt perfect against his knees and Steve basked in the feeling. It was uncomfortable, but he could do this. His head started to spin, and the doubts died down until Steve didn’t think about the consequences anymore. It felt right, it was real.

“Done, Sir.” He didn’t even realize his own voice, the words already a little slurred. 

“Good boy.” James was pleased.

“Steve, I’m going to talk you through everything I wanna do with you today. I want you to kneel like this until I say otherwise. You just have to listen and be a good boy for me. I’m going to tell you a few of my personal fantasies and you’re going to say if you like them and why you do. You’re allowed to touch yourself anytime, but you’re not allowed to take off your underwear. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Sir. Please, I-” Steve’s voice broke. He wanted to tell James that this was everything he craved, that James should just keep talking, but the words died on the tip of his tongue. 

“Don’t worry, sweet thing. I’ve got this. Just listen to me. Can you do that?”

Listening was good. Listening was easy. “I can do that, James.”

“You can choose today, Steve. Do you want me to tell you about the rush I feel when I tie a sub up? When he’s completely at my mercy, begging for every touch? Or do you want me to talk about how it feels when I control someone’s pleasure? Always stopping right before he stumbles over the edge?”

_ Fuck!  _ The words went immediately to Steve’s cock. He pictured himself at James’ mercy, begging for a touch, begging for attention. He wanted both, wanted to be tied up, kept on the edge for hours until James decided he had enough, until he was finally allowed to come. 

“Please, I- I need, I-”

“Steve chose!” James’ voice was firm, and Steve let out another moan in response. 

“The first one. Oh,  _ please, Sir. _ The first one.”

“So you wanna hear how it feels when a sub is kneeling in front of me? Hands tied behind his back, knees apart. How perfect he looks when he’s so vulnerable, so  _ open _ for me, unable to pull back?”

Steve whimpered.  _ Yes, yes, yes.  _ He wanted to feel exactly this. Steve wasn’t touching his cock yet, but he was completely hard nevertheless, turned on by James’ words alone. He could feel himself leaking and knew there was already a wet spot forming on his boxers. 

“Do you wanna be the one kneeling in front of me, Steve? Do you wanna feel the rough texture of the rope, marking up your wrists while you struggle in your restrains? I would touch you everywhere. Your shoulders, your neck, your pretty little nipples. Tell me, Steve, what color are they. Are they pink, fitting for such a sweet boy like you, aching to be marked from my touch? Or are they a dusty red, standing out from your skin?”

It was too much. Steve needed something,  _ anything,  _ to soothe the fire that was burning in his veins. He had never needed a touch this badly, already shivering in anticipation.

“Please, Sir, I- Um… They are pink.  _ Ngh _ . Please, James. Can I touch myself?”

  
“I already gave you permission, sweet thing. Go ahead. Touch yourself. Show me what a good boy you are”

Steve moaned like a whore when he touched his cock for the first time. He didn’t pull down his boxers, Bucky hadn’t told him to, instead he stroked his length through the fabric. It was pathetic, but he was so riled up that the friction was enough. Every touch, even the slightest, brought him closer to the edge and Steve knew he hadn’t been ready to come this quickly since he had been a teenager. 

“That’s it. Just like that. Close your eyes, Stevie. Imagine it’s my touch. Can you feel my hand on you?”

“ _ Ngh,  _ James, yes.” He could feel it so intensely as if James was standing right next to him. 

“Imagine I’m behind you, Steve. Can you feel me? My presence? You look so beautiful like this. Such a good boy for me. So obedient. Arch your back. Show me how good you wanna be for me.”

Steve obeyed, how could he have not? He arched his back, presenting himself to an imaginary James. He wanted to look good, to look  _ pretty  _ for the other man, even though James couldn’t see him.

“Please, Sir. I’m close. Can I-? I want to… Please, let me come.” His orgasm was coming closer and closer, and he knew it was only a matter of seconds until he couldn’t hold back anymore.

“Alright come for me, sweet thing. Give yourself to me. Give your pleasure to me.”

James’ words pulled him over the edge. It was almost too much. His entire body was buzzing, and he shuddered with pleasure. Steve could feel himself ruining the boxers, covering them in surge after surge of his come, but he couldn’t care less. 

It was quiet, so quiet like it never had been in his head before. His entire body slumped against the bed and all the anxieties were replaced with calmness. Steve had never felt so good in his life.

He came back slowly. The first thing he noticed was the pain in his knees, followed by the sticky wetness and James’ voice. He wanted to stay like this forever, lulled in James’ warmth, pretending the man stood right next to him. 

“That’s a good boy. So obedient. So beautiful.  _ So loud _ . Just how I like my subs.”

Steve smiled. James liked him like this. James thought he was beautiful,  _ perfect. _ James’ was… James’ was a phone sex worker who got paid for telling Steve this. 

Suddenly, everything crashed around him. His mood soured. The blissful calmness turned into shame and horror. Why had he done this? He should have hung up sooner. Fuck, he shouldn’t even have called. 

_ 'Men don’t cry, Steve. Men are strong. There’s no place for weakness in this world.’ _

The panic was back, his throat tightened and he felt his hands starting to sweat. This was wrong. All of this was wrong. 

“Steve, are you still there?”

He couldn’t answer. He couldn’t talk. Right before James spoke again, Steve hung up. He should have done this the moment James had picked up. There was no excuse for his behavior. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much [InterruptedCadence](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InterruptedCadence/profile) for editing. Jess, you're the best <3
> 
> Warnings: Orgasm Denial/ Punishment

The second Steve’s panic vanished he started feeling regret. Sure, he shouldn’t have called ‘Magic Desires’, but that was no justification for hanging up on James without warning. It wasn't James' fault that Steve was fucked up.

Steve managed to distract himself for a day. He tried to ignore how much of a disaster he was by focusing on work and Nat, but his guilt was a constant presence in the back of his mind. For a few hours it went well, but everything came crashing down in the evening when Steve was alone at home.

He had tried to resist, he really had.  Even after a long day of work Steve decided to prepare dinner himself rather than have it delivered like he usually did because it was a nice distraction. Chopping vegetables was surprisingly calming and Steve lost himself in the monotonous work. Unfortunately, it didn’t last long. Not even an hour later he sat on his couch, a plate of freshly cooked pasta on his lap while he unsuccessfully tried to focus on the TV.

It couldn’t capture his attention and the pasta didn’t taste half as good as the usual order from his favorite Italian place. Steve was miserable. He should just focus on the nature documentary and eat his dinner in peace, but his thoughts wandered back to James. 

He wanted nothing more than to call and apologize, to get rid of the guilt, but he was scared. What if James was sick of dealing with his issues? What if Steve had fucked it up for real? Or even worse, what if Steve couldn’t hold back anymore if he called now?

Steve took another bite of the pasta, chewing, swallowing, chewing again. It tasted insipid, like plain pasta without sauce. Steve put it aside. He wouldn’t call, he would just watch TV, he wouldn’t-

A minute later he dialed the number and Wanda transferred the call before Steve even had the chance to come to his senses. He wasn’t even remotely ready, but he could already hear the familiar voice on the other end of the line. 

“James?”

“Steve.” James' voice was dangerously neutral, and Steve didn’t know what to say. He could deal with anger and disappointment, but he couldn’t deal with silence. Still, James didn’t make it easy for him and Steve was getting more and more impatient until he finally couldn’t take it anymore.

“Um- How are you?”

“Steve, stop playing games with me.”  James' controlled and calm tone contrasted with his words. Steve was unsure of how to respond, creating a long and uncomfortable silence that James was in no rush to fill.

“I’m sorry.” 

“Steve, I want you to remember that whenever you apologize to me in the future, you must tell me exactly what you did and why it was wrong. I don’t believe a single word if you don’t even try to show me that you regret it. Try again!” James' voice was firm and Steve could feel a heavy weight settling in his stomach. He had to make this right. He  _ needed _ to make this right. 

“I-I’m sorry I hung up on you. I know it was wrong. It was just- I panicked and-” Was that his voice? So pathetic and thin? Steve had wanted to explain himself, explain that it had been too much yesterday, but the words died on the tip of his tongue. Instead, he sounded like the sobbing mess he actually was. 

“Steve, do you remember the rules I told you?”

“Safeword if it gets too much?” Steve asked confused, unsure what point James wanted to make. 

“Yes, and the second one?”

“I have to call you Sir or James.” The rules were easy, the rules were simple. Steve could do that. 

“And do you still remember why I insisted on the second rule?”

“Because it’s a sign of respect, Sir?” Suddenly, Steve knew what James was going to say.

“Yes, Steve. I value respect more than anything else. It’s the key to make a relationship function, romantically or sexually. Do you think hanging up on me was respectful?”

“No, Sir.” Steve’s voice was even thinner than before, guilt creeping in, and he lowered his head even though James couldn’t see him. He couldn’t do anything right. He just wasn’t good enough. The feeling was like acid, poisoning his mind and making him sick. 

“That’s right, Steve. It was very disrespectful.”

“I’m really sorry, Sir.” He couldn’t do anything but apologize again. 

“It’s alright Steve. I will forgive you.” Just like that? Steve didn’t deserve this, he didn’t deserve getting away this easily. Didn’t James see that he wasn’t worth it? 

“Thank you, Sir.” It was a struggle to get the words out and even more to make them sound genuine. Steve failed. 

“ Don't worry, sweet thing, I'll take care of you. I'm going to punish you now, for both our sakes. ”  Steve was so relieved by James’ words that he immediately whimpered and relaxed into the couch . He was going to get a chance to make it up to James, a chance to do it right. 

“Thank you, Sir.” This time the gratitude was earnest. 

“You’re such a sweetheart, Stevie. So eager to make it up to me. You won’t come today. You can beg, sob and thrash, I’ll keep you right on the edge. If you’re a good boy, if you listen to me and show me that you wanna make me proud, everything will be forgiven.”

The thought should have upset Steve.  _ He  _ was the one calling James,  _ he _ was the one paying for this, so it should be about _ his _ pleasure. But knowing he wasn’t allowed to come, or even better, knowing he would be forgiven if he could just hold back, felt better than any orgasm ever could. 

“I’ll be good, Sir.”

“I believe you, Stevie. If you disobey on purpose, I won’t pick up your call again. I value respect more than anything and I won’t tolerate an impolite sub. Do you understand me?” Horror spread  throughout Steve’s body, a feeling worse than the guilt after misbehaving. It was his second call with James, but he was already addicted. He couldn’t go back to how it had been before. 

“Yes, Sir. I’ll be good. I promise.” He’d be the best boy James had ever talked to.

“That’s good. Steve, if it gets too much at any time, what do you say?”

“R-red, Sir.” 

“Very good. Using your safeword isn’t a failure.  I expect you to use it if something is too much, especially if a punishment is too much. Never forget that, sweetheart.” Steve swallowed, he wouldn’t. 

“Yes, Sir.”

“Where are you, Stevie?”

Steve remembered that James wanted a detailed description, so he tried to mention every detail. “I’m in the living room on the couch, sitting under a huge blanket. I’m wearing a white t-shirt and black boxers.”

“Pull down your boxers and spread your legs as wide as possible. You can stay under the blanket if you’re cold.” It was the first time James’ voice shifted from carefully neutral to something more primal, something deeper and hungrier. Steve shivered, his body immediately reacting to the words, and he took off his clothes quickly, his cock already half hard. He stayed under the blanket.

“Done, Sir.”

“Very good.” The praise washed over him, bringing back the warmth Steve had missed so much. “Steve, you’re going to touch yourself. You’re going to listen to every word I say and you’re going to obey. Do you wanna be my good boy?”

“Yes, Sir,  _ please _ .”

His hand wandered to his cock immediately, touching his erection, but keeping still, even though he wanted nothing more than to feel the desired friction. But James hadn’t given him permission yet. 

“Every time you get close, you’ll tell me. Do you understand me?” 

The words fueled the fire inside him even more and Steve felt a drop of precome running over his hand. He was already leaking. “ _ Ngh _ , yes, James. I understand.” 

“You’ll keep going until I think you've had enough. Then we’re going to talk about why you hung up on me, Steve. That’s non-negotiable.” 

James' voice was so firm, so powerful that Steve felt himself twitching, and his eyes rolled back. He didn’t care that he had to talk about it. He didn’t care that he wasn’t allowed to come. The only thing he could focus on was the deep voice washing over him, and the opportunity to make it up to James. 

“Yes, Sir. Anything.”

“Alright, Steve. Move slowly. Describe what you feel.”

Finally getting permission, Steve started to move his hand. The rhythm was mind-breakingly slow, and as much torture as it was, Steve loved it. His desire to be good for James, to be  _ perfect _ , was so much stronger than the need to get off.

“I-I’m hard, Sir?”

“Already?” Humiliation washed over him, so bright and painful his cock leaked even more. He wanted to hide his reaction from James, didn’t want to show him what a pathetic slut he was, but he couldn’t control the high-pitch whimper. 

“Yes, Sir,” he confessed humiliated, and James chuckle made it only worse. 

“How does it feel, Stevie?” Steve didn’t know if James was talking about the humiliation or the hand on his cock, but he decided to pick the safer option. There wasn’t anything wrong about stroking himself, was there? Even though his pleasure was still controlled by someone else. 

“Good, Sir. Hurts a little. ‘S dry.”

“Good dry or bad dry?” Steve’s finger circled over the head of his cock, painfully dry, but also delicious arousing. His precome wasn’t enough to soothe the rough friction of his tight grip, even though every surge of pain made his cock leak even more. 

“ _ Ngh _ \- good, Sir.”

“That’s it, Steve. Tighten your grip a little. Just like that. Press your thumb against the slit.” It hurt, his fingernails were digging into the flesh, but Steve got even harder. He lost every shame, whimpering and begging while he struggled not to pull back his hand. 

“Nghh, too- too much, James.”

“That’s it, Steve. Look at you. So far gone already. Don’t loosen your grip, sweet thing. Show me how sorry you are.”

_ God, it felt so good.  _ Steve’s cock was burning, pleasure and pain blurring together. He wanted more, wanted James to be next to him, wanted to be tortured and teased. The desire to be stuffed rose inside of him and Steve fought the urge to let his free hand wander lower. 

Steve's eyes snapped shut, his imagination supplying a parade of filthy images without his permission: Steve sitting on James' lap, Steve being teased and denied by James, Steve being impaled on his thick cock. He started to sob. 

“Can you imagine me doing this to you? Your hands bound behind your back, so you can’t do anything but take it?”  _ Yes, yes, please. Help me, fuck me, take me. _

“Sir,  _ James _ , please.”

“I’d keep you there, your thighs spread so wide they start to ache. Would you like that, Steve? Your body hurting while you show me how sorry you are.”

He would love this, being at James’ mercy without a chance to pull back. His nails dig even deeper into his abused cock, never losing the rhythm, even when he felt himself twitching. He was so close, he wanted to come, he wanted- he wanted to be good. 

“Yes, Sir, I’m close. Please, I can’t-”

“Stop! Now! Take your hand off your cock!” James’ voice was dripping with dominance and Steve let go as if he had burned himself. He wanted to be good,  _ needed _ to be good. 

The denial hurt, more than his rough grip ever could and Steve whimpered pathetically into the phone. He could hear James chuckle, could hear him telling how good Steve was, how obedient, while Steve fought to come back to himself. 

“Does it hurt to be good for me? Does it hurt to be a good boy? Poor Stevie, your cock must look so pretty now. Look at yourself, baby. Look what I’m doing to you.”

Steve’s cock was angry red, leaking furiously, with precome dripping everywhere. Drops ran down his length while his cock twitched neglected in the air. It was devastating. Steve loved it. 

James gave him a few minutes before he demanded more. “Again, Steve. Pick up your rhythm. Let me hear you. You’re making the sweetest little sounds.”

Steve wrapped his hand around himself again, stroking and stopping, again and again. His nails had left red marks on his cock, signs of how far gone he was. The pain was a dull warmth in the back of his mind. He was drifting. 

Time wasn’t important anymore. There was nothing, nothing but James’ voice in his ear. Steve’s own pleasure became unimportant and he basked in the knowledge of being good. James would take care of him. James would know what Steve needed. 

The last time the wave came closer and closer, Steve struggled to tell James. He slurred, the words far away, but James seemed to understand. 

“That’s it, Steve. You’re done. You can hold your cock if you need to. But don’t you dare come.”

Steve obeyed. He stopped the movement, cupping his cock to shield him from the air in the room. He felt vulnerable, floating on a wave of submission while time flew by. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours. Steve didn’t know anymore. When he finally came back, he still felt as if his mind was disconnected from his body. 

“How are you, sweetheart.”

“‘M fine, Sir. Have- Have I been good?”

“Very good, Steve. You were beautiful. I’ve forgiven you. Just take your time and come back to me.”

The words warmed him up, helping him to stand the pulsing feeling in his cock. The burning need lessened with every passing minute, replaced by pride and satisfaction. Steve had been good, his Sir had forgiven him. 

They were silent for a while. James gave him time to come back to himself. Steve’s breathing evened out again and slowly, the floating feeling vanished. But what remained was a new sense of calm. 

“Steve, I told you I want to talk to you about why you hung up,” James said after a while. His voice wasn’t neutral anymore but caring and affectionate. Steve didn’t know what was worse. 

“D-do we h-have to?” He wasn’t really sure if he wanted to talk about it. 

“I can’t force you, Steve. If it’s anything you’re not comfortable talking about, I have to respect it. Still, it’s hard for me to scene with you if I don’t know what your triggers are.”

“Scene?” Steve had read about it online before. There were scenes in BDSM clubs, settings were dom and sub met to play together, but that wasn’t what he was doing with James. He was fucking paying the man.

“Yes, Steve. Scene. Even though we don’t actually touch, you still give yourself over to me. You let me control you, you give me the gift of your submission. For the moment, you’re my sub and I want to treat my subs right.”

“It’s difficult, Sir. To talk.” Steve’s voice was wavering, another sign of the mess he was.

“That’s alright, Steve. Take your time.”

How could he explain it to James? How could he explain that he laid awake a night, dreaming of belonging to someone, to be owned by someone? How could he explain that all the responsibilities, all the expectations of his parents, of his friends, of his boss were sometimes just too much? 

He wanted to be calm, even if it was just for a few hours. He wanted to worry about nothing but another man’s needs, to obey, to be  _ good _ , to be  _ enough _ . But at the same time, Steve also knew that he wasn’t supposed to have these desires. He was supposed to handle his life on his own.

“What we do is wrong.”

“How so?” James was so calm, it was almost maddening, and Steve knew he failed at explaining.

“I’m a man.”

“I’m aware, Steve.”

Frustration came creeping in. He wasn’t good with words. He couldn’t describe the overwhelming feelings which tightened his chest. “I’m not supposed to want this.”

“Steve, do you think men are not allowed to give up control in bed?” It was probably the first time Steve heard a hint of judgment in James’ voice and the sound almost made him sick. He hadn’t wanted to say it like this. It wasn’t about men. This was about  _ him. _

“God, no.  _ I  _ am not supposed to give up control.”

“Why do you feel that way?”

Because they had told him so. They had told him he could be gay as long as he was still the man in the relationship. If taking it up the ass was already bad, what would submitting be? Rogers were strong. Rogers were powerful. Rogers didn’t want to be spanked and fucked and held. 

“It’s weak.”

“Steve, do you think anyone could have done what you did today? Do you think anyone could have held back as beautiful as you did? You were hurting Steve, but you still did what I asked you to.”

James' words made so much sense, but Steve closed his eyes to block them out. 

“I liked it,” Steve whispered, ashamed. “I wanted to hold back.” He had wanted to hold back more than he had wanted to come. He had wanted to surrender to James. Steve hadn't endured his punishment because he was mentally strong enough to get through. He had been close to fucking begging James to punish him. How could James think Steve was being anything other than weak?

“That doesn’t make you weak, Steve. You were strong today. You did exactly what I asked you to do, even though it was difficult. I’ve tried it myself before and I broke after a few minutes. Steve, you lasted an hour. I rarely have subs lasting that long.”

James had tried it before? James, powerful, patient and confident had surrendered to someone else?

“You- you’ve tried it before?”

James chuckled warmly and the sound made Steve feel a little better. “Yes, Steve, I did. I didn’t like it. But I had to know what it feels like for a sub. It helps me to take care of you.”

It didn’t change anything, did it? “I still feel weak.”

“That’s alright, Steve,” James reassured him. “We’ll work on that. Never be ashamed of what you want.”

James said that so easily, but it was everything Steve could think about. When he watched porn or called ‘Magic Desires’, he felt guilty for his needs. When he did the right thing and hung up on James, he felt guilty about what he was doing. There was always a side of him that was struggling. He was sick of it. Sick of all the regret and self-hatred. 

“I-I just want to stop feeling this way.”

“Do you want your needs to go away, Steve?” Did he want that? Did he want to be what he was supposed to be?

“I don’t know.”

“Or do you want to accept it?”

It was a tempting thought. Just giving in. No one ever had to know. He could keep it to himself. 

_ No!  _ Steve knew it would come out one day. “I can’t.”

“Why?” James was so fucking insightful it hurt. 

“He’d never look at me again.”

“Who?” Was that pity in James' voice? Steve couldn’t stand it. He didn’t want to say it. It wasn’t James' concern. But before he could stop himself, the words had already tumbled out. 

“My father.”

There was silence on the other end, seconds in which Steve regretted that he had told James the truth. Steve was an adult, god damn it. He wasn’t supposed to depend on his father. James wouldn’t understand. 

“I’m sorry, Steve.” 

The genuine words were a relief.  Even though James didn't judge him, even seemed to understand how he felt, Steve didn't want to think about it anymore. He just wanted to close his eyes and withdraw from reality.

“Can we stop talking about it, please?”

Thankfully, James agreed. “Of course.”

“Can I hang up?”

James hesitated before he spoke again. “It depends. How do you feel?”

“Tired, a little anxious,” Steve replied honestly, his voice wavering a little. It was probably what made James pause.

“Let’s make a deal, Steve. I tell you about the first time a sub fell asleep while I was fucking him and after that you can hang up, alright? You don’t have to pay the last ten minutes.”

Steve didn’t even have to think. He liked listening to James and as long as he wasn’t supposed to talk about his issues, he’d take every second he would get with the other man. Steve knew he had to make a decision one day but for the moment he let all the concerns slide. James would take over for now. 

“Deal, Sir.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: bad parenting, subtle homophobia
> 
> Thanks Jess for your amazing work and dedication <3 and thanks Mits for the culinary tips xD
> 
> Please, leave a comment, I always appreciate them very much <3

The next time Steve tried to call, James wasn’t working. It shouldn’t have been a big surprise because Steve’s last call hadn’t even been 24 hours earlier, but it didn’t lessen the small sting he felt. James talked to him because it was his job. Steve was nothing but a client. Of course, James wasn’t always available. 

Wanda offered to book Steve as James' regular client, an offer Steve accepted eagerly, so from now on he would get an hour with the man every Thursday night. Steve couldn’t wait for the next appointment and it gave him something to look forward to. Only a few days had passed and Steve already felt like he was addicted to the man. 

But even though Steve could talk to James once a week from now on, he still felt disappointed about today especially because he hadn’t touched his cock since James’ punishment and it was twitching and straining in his pants. He just couldn’t get off without James’ voice in his ear. He had tried, but it felt like he was failing his punishment. 

Steve's mind was preoccupied with thoughts of James as his phone began to ring, and he answered it without registering the name displayed on the screen.It had been a mistake. He had hoped Nat would be bored and invite him over, but no such luck.

“Steven?” Oh, no. Not his mom. Not now. Not when Steve had so much on his plate.

“Hi, Mother.” 

“I didn’t expect you to pick up. You’re usually so  _ busy _ .”  Her voice was light but Steve was well versed in her subtle criticisms, so he knew that something was up. He was almost used to being on the receiving end of her polite hostilities.

“Work is demanding, Mother. You know that.”

“So busy that you can’t call your own mother?”

No, he wasn’t too busy to call his own mother, he just didn’t want to. Every time Steve called, he could listen to endless tirades about how lazy he was, how rarely he thought about his poor old mother, and why he didn’t have a partner yet. Even though she begrudgingly accepted he was attracted to men, she was still hoping he would introduce her to a new girlfriend one day. 

“I’m sorry.” He wasn’t, but he had learned not to argue with her. 

“I forgive you, Steven.”  _ How generous _ . Steve only waited for the other shoe to drop.

“So, do you know what tomorrow is?”

“Sunday?”

“Don’t be impudent, Steven.” He didn’t need to  be able to see her face to know that there was discontent on it. “Your father founded his company twenty years ago.”

“Uh-huh.” Steve hadn’t known that, but it wasn’t like he was talking a lot with his father. 

“ Excuse me? Steven, you'd do well to remember your manners! The company has financed our life, your college degree included.”

He knew that because she never failed to tell him so every single time they met. Steve was sick of it. He would gladly pay back all of his tuition if she would just stop bringing up the subject, but he didn’t want to argue because she was family and Steve didn’t want to lose her. 

“I know, Mother.”

“So show your father some respect and come to lunch tomorrow. Dress nicely.” She didn’t ask, his parents never did, she demanded. 

“Yes, Mother.” His mother had hung up on him without waiting for his reply. 

~*~

Steve had planned to spend the entire Sunday in bed, but, thanks to his mother’s insistence, he stood on his parents' doorstep at exactly twelve o’clock. The familiar house seemed to mock him and Steve had to push the memories from his childhood into the back of his mind again. This wasn’t the right time for self-pity. He would just play nice for lunch and leave as soon as possible.

Everything was too neat. The hedge had been trimmed accurately so not a single leaf was out of place, the doormat was sparkling clean because Steve’s mother had instructed the staff to wash it twice a week, and even though it was autumn there was no foliage in the yard. The house looked like it came straight out of a real estate magazine. Steve didn’t feel comfortable here, he never had. 

When the butler opened the door Steve took a deep breath before he entered the house. He gave the man his jacket with a smile and walked over to the dining room where his parents were waiting for him. Everything looked like it always had, his parents hadn’t even moved the ugly vase Steve’s mother was always complaining about. 

“Steven. How have you been?” His father didn’t stand up to greet him, but he looked up from his newspaper.

Joseph hadn’t changed at all since they had last seen each other. He was dressed in a black suit, even more formal than Steve felt in his button-down shirt and matching tie. Steve didn’t remember ever seeing his father in a t-shirt. Joseph always sat on the same chair at the table, reading the newspaper and smoking cigarillos. His mother sat on the chair next to him, greeting Steve with nothing but a polite smile. 

“Thank you for asking, Father. I’m fine. Work has been good.”

“That’s nice, son, anything new?”

Steve nodded. “Some. My coworker, Natasha, introduced me to a new project recently. I’m going to design the logo of the East coast's largest rental car company in the next few weeks.” He was pretty proud of his work as a graphic designer, and he was even more proud that his new boss trusted him enough to handle the responsibility of such a big project. 

“Well, that’s good, but I still don’t understand why you left Hammer Industries. Justin is such a fine man.”

_ Wow.  _ That was a new record. They hadn’t exchanged more than ten sentences and his father was already doubting his life decisions. Was it too much to ask of his parents to be happy for him just once? Steve was yet again reminded why he never called. 

“As I’ve already explained, Tony Stark offered me a job with more responsibility, Father.” _ And I couldn’t work for the asshole and his horrible employees anymore. _ The atmosphere at Hammer Industries had been toxic, and getting away had been one of Steve’s best decisions. 

“If  you just could have been more patient and loyal , I’m sure Justin would have offered you a better position as well.” It wasn’t the first time Joseph brought this up, and it wasn’t the first time Steve explained to him that Hammer Industries couldn’t offer the position Steve wanted. 

“I’m happy at SI.”

“There will come a day when you will regret not listening to your betters.” His father’s voice was dripping with disdain. 

He just wanted his parents to stop pestering him, so he could live his life in peace. Of course, Steve loved them. They were his parents, but sometimes he wondered how it would be without the constant pressure and arguments.

Finally, Steve’s mother intervened before things got out of hand. It wouldn’t be the first time Steve had left the house five minutes after he had arrived. “You mentioned a coworker? Natasha? Tell us more about her.” Just when Steve thought it couldn’t get worse. Sarah’s eyes were bright with interest and Steve knew immediately what was fueling her curiosity. 

“Natasha is just a friend.”

“Of course she is, Steven,” his mother said cheerfully,  at odds with the familiar hard lines around her mouth that communicated her disappointment.

Thankfully, the chef appeared with the first course, truffle artichoke soup with Txomin Etxaniz Txakoli de Getaria 2015, before an argument could truly begin. Steve smiled at the servant when he poured him a glass of wine, glad he had escaped the interrogation about Nat for now. 

“A toast to you and your company, Joseph.” Sarah raised her glass and signaled Joseph and Steve to follow suit. “We’re thankful for  how devoted you are to making your company a continued success .”

Steve was glad when he could finally take a sip of his wine and try the soup.  The rich, creamy soup was green, yet earthy, and gave him an excuse not to talk. He already dreaded the last spoonful.

“Your Dad and I plan to spend three weeks in August in the Hamptons.” 

Steve plastered on a smile. His parents spent every August at their vacation house in the Hamptons. “That’s nice.”

The conversation died almost as soon as it began and they returned to eating in silence. Steve was uncomfortable. He knew he wasn’t off the hook, his mother had been too interested in Nat.

“So, you mentioned a co-worker?” Sarah ventured again when the main course was served. Steve pushed his potatoes halfheartedly around the plate, knowing he’d lose his appetite in a minute anyway.

“Apparently, I did.”

“Attitude, Steven.” His mother still talked to him as if he was a child. “What’s she like? Is she pretty? What about her parents? Where’s her father working?”

Who cared about her parents? Steve knew Nat’s parents had died when she was young and that she grew up in foster care, but he would be damned to  disclose Nat's sensitive personal information to his parents . Nat was stronger than anyone he had ever met  and did not need his parent's misplaced pity . Sarah would only push Steve to be Nat’s knight in shining armor. 

“Mother, I don’t know. We are friends. We haven’t talked about her parents.” 

“You could ask when you see her next time. And when you’re already at it, you could ask her to come over to dinner. Joseph , wouldn't you like to meet her? ”

Joseph, who had been quiet for now, looked a little startled. Usually, Sarah let him get away with saying nothing. “Of course, Sarah.”

Steve took a deep breath to keep his composure. “Mother, Natasha and I are only friends. It would be inappropriate to invite her to dinner.”

“Maybe that will change, Steven. She sounds like a nice young lady.”

No, it would never change because Nat wasn’t a man. For a second, Steve could feel the anger boiling up, threatening to hit the surface, but he pushed it down quickly. His parents tried again and again to push him into dating women and he was sick of it, but at least they hadn't disowned him when he had come out. 

“I’m still gay.” 

Sarah stiffened. “Of course, of course. But  that might change one day, a young man can never be certain of these sorts of things .”

“I’m pretty sure it won’t change.”

“We just want the best for you, Steve.” She always said that, but  what she really meant was that she wanted him to find an inoffensive woman of a certain social standing to bring home. If she truly meant that she wanted what was best for him, she would have long ago let him live his life without interfering .

“Maybe you could talk to her,” his mother suggested. “Maybe she doesn’t mind if you live out of your  peculiarities once in a while.”

“My  peculiarities ?”

Steve was horrified. He knew his mother wanted him to get a wife and settle down, but he hadn’t expected her to go so far. There was no way he would ever play husband to a woman while he went out every Saturday to get fucked by another man. A marriage wasn’t just a title. He wanted his marriage to mean something.

“Don’t you want children, Steven? You were always so good with kids.” 

“I could still adopt children with a man or even by myself, Mother.”

She took a moment to look at him, and Steve could see in her eyes that she pondered if  this was worth arguing over. The anger he had felt just a minute ago was quickly replaced by disappointment and sadness. He had always known his parents' world views were different, but he had really hoped they had come to terms with his sexuality by now. 

“Probably.” Sarah spit out the word like it was poison. “Well, then find yourself a ma- _ someone _ who can care for children.”

“What if I want to take care of them?” Steve knew the words would provoke another argument, but he had always seen himself taking care of his future kids. He didn’t want to hide himself anymore. They didn’t accept him anyway.

“Steven!”

“What?”

“It isn’t proper to take care of children  _ and  _ have a career at the same time.” Sarah looked at him like she had explained the simplest thing in the world, and Steve had to close his eyes so he wouldn’t stand up and leave.

“I know that, Mother.”

Just before he could explode, his father spoke up. “That’s actually why I invited you today, son. I want to talk with you about the company. I know you claim to be happy at Stark Industries-”

“I  _ am  _ happy.” Couldn’t they just leave him alone for once?

Joseph ignored the interruption. “I know you say you’re happy at Stark Industries, but it’s not your future. We all know that. Doing your frivolous finger painting wasn't supposed to last forever.”

“Graphic designer isn’t  finger painting, Father, and you know it. ” Steve was close to screaming in frustration.

“However, Steven,  I'm approaching fifty . It’s time to give the company to my son. Of course, you wouldn’t manage  everything all at once . I’ll give you time to get used to it.”

Take over the company?  _ Hell, no! _ Steve couldn’t imagine anything worse than spending day after day in an office, smiling at business partners and entertaining financial sharks. He likes his job, likes his co-workers and his boss. He didn’t want to quit and manage his father’s business. 

“I don’t want to take over the company. I have no interest in managing real estate.”

Joseph looked at him, an annoyed frown on his face. “Steven, be reasonable.  You've benefited from the company's success and now it is high time for you to learn how to lead it. ”

“ My job pays well, and I don't need all of this. I don't need this level of luxury to be happy. ”

Steve knew they were at an impasse. Nothing was more important to Joseph than his company, and nothing was more important to Steve than living his own life. Steve could feel the anger boiling up again, hotter this time, almost overwhelming. He had to grind his teeth to stop tears of frustration. Steve always gave in, but he wouldn’t give up his life for his father’s dream. 

“ I won't listen to this nonsense for one moment longer .” His father’s voice was ice-cold. “ Taking my place in the company is what's best for you! It's what is best for all of us! ”

“You don’t know what’s good for me. You’ve never cared  enough to know what is or isn't good for me .”

“Steven!” His mother sounded horrified.

“ Enough with the ‘ _ Steven _ ’, Mother. I come here once a month, and act like everything is fine. I fake a smile, try not to show you how much it hurts when you can’t even accept that I will never bring home a woman. I listen to all your criticism and swallow it down because I know I can leave it behind as soon as I walk out of the door. I can stomach the shame for an afternoon, but I won’t do it for the rest of my life.”

Steve had really thought  finally speaking his mind would have changed something, but his unfiltered honesty only made Joseph more vicious. “ That's enough! You're going to take over the company and that's final. You may be a disappointment and a deviant, but you are still my son, and you will do your duty! ” Joseph’s voice left no room for arguments. 

Steve felt sick. He had always tried to make them proud. He had always tried to find excuses to justify their behavior, but he wouldn’t  allow his father to bully him into a job he didn’t want. 

“Excuse me. Something urgent came up. I have to go home.”

Steve threw his napkin onto his plate and stood up, pushing the chair back vigorously. He wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. His parents’ faces were still blank, schooled not to show any emotion. Without any word of good-bye, he left the dining room.

Before the door closed behind him he heard his father’s voice shouting after him, “I advise you to think about it again.”

He wouldn’t think about it a single second. 

~*~

The tears didn’t come as he left the house, they didn’t even come on the drive back home. Instead, he started crying when he was home again,  curled up safely under the blankets on his bed.

Steve knew he had never been enough for his parents , and even though that wasn't his fault it still wounded him deeply . He had learned early to  seek care and approval from the other people around him , the butler, the cook, his friends.  Those were the people that had always been there for him, but he still longed for his parents' attention and support . 

They loved him, Steve knew that, but his father loved the company just as much and his mother loved their reputation. Steve couldn’t do this anymore, he didn’t want this anymore. 

Suddenly, Steve felt the overwhelming urge to call James. He knew it wasn’t a good idea, James wasn’t even working so he wouldn’t pick up, but he craved someone to help him with this, to make the decision for him. 

It wasn’t that Steve didn’t know what he wanted. He wouldn’t take over the company, even if it meant cutting ties with his parents, but he didn’t want to carry the consequences of his actions alone. He wanted someone like James on his side, someone to guide him, someone who could take care of him.

Swallowing his anxieties, Steve pulled out his phone. He opened the chat with Nat and hesitated before he sent the message.

[4:35 pm] from Steve: _ I’ve changed my mind. Take me to the club you’ve mentioned. _

[4:37 pm] from Nat: _ Are you sure? _

[4:37 pm] from Steve:  _ Yes _

[4:39 pm] from Nat: _ There’s a party for beginners in a month. I’ll be there with Clint and my brother. You can join. _

[4:40 pm] from Steve: _ Count me in _

Steve wasn’t sure if he’d made the right decision, but he wouldn’t change his mind. Calling James was nice, and he would continue doing it, but  he had to find a way to overcome his fears about the nature of his needs . His body wanted to be a sub, and it was about time his mind would catch up. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took longer than I've planned. I'm working on another project and real-life decided to be a bitch, but here it is. Enjoy <3
> 
> Thanks again, Jess. I am more grateful than I can express <3

The first few days after the horrible lunch with his parents, Steve was restless and fidgety. He could barely concentrate on work, a catastrophe since he was currently responsible for one of SI’s most important customers. It was only luck that no one besides Nat had noticed his inattentiveness yet. 

It took a while until Steve calmed down a bit and didn’t think about the argument with his parents every minute of the day. Nat was a big help. During one of their lunch breaks, which they spent in their favorite little café, Steve told her about his parents and even a tiny bit about where his insecurities were coming from. 

Nat was a great friend. She didn’t judge him, she didn’t even pity him, instead, she just listened. When he had finally gotten everything out of his system, Nat only laughed and told him they would work on this. Together. And since Steve was baring his soul anyway, he mentioned his regular Thursday appointments. 

Of course, Nat was thrilled. She tried to squeeze every single detail about Steve’s sessions with James out of him, but Steve stood firm. As much as he liked her, he didn’t want to share the details of  _ that part _ of his life with a woman that was almost like a sister to him. So Steve blushed and remained silent.

Talking with Nat had been a good idea and Steve felt better afterward. Work got easier because he didn’t have to think about his parents constantly and, for the first time in his life, Steve was content. His career was exactly what he wanted it to be, he had found a good friend, and he was even starting to accept the desires hidden inside of him. 

Suddenly, Thursday couldn’t come fast enough. Steve didn’t dread the calls anymore. It didn’t matter that he wouldn’t be able to hang up on James again because Steve didn’t  _ want  _ to. Instead, he wanted to catch up on everything he had missed in his life: dirty phone calls, discovering certain parts of his body, and a night in the kink club. 

Unlike last Thursday, Steve didn’t stare for twenty minutes at his phone, mustering up the courage to call. He dialed the number promptly at his scheduled time and he even greeted Wanda cheerfully. 

His shyness returned when James picked up. The source of his shyness was no longer his insecurities, it now stemmed from his intense desires. He wanted to be shy for James. He wanted the man to coax him out of his shell and teach Steve everything he had been missing in his life.

“Good evening, Stevie. Wanda told me you’re a regular now.” James said pleased and Steve’s breathing stopped as he heard the man’s voice for the first time this evening. An exciting tingle bubbled up in his stomach. He had missed James’ deep voice.

“Yes, Sir.”

“Please correct me if I’m understanding this wrong, Steve, but I assume you want to continue our arrangement? No more hanging up on me?”

There was nothing Steve had ever wanted more. “That’s correct, Sir. I’m sorry for my behavior during our first session. It was disrespectful and impolite. Thank you again for my punishment.”

Steve could hear a purr from the other end of the line and the sound went directly to his cock. “ Sweetheart, that was a perfect apology, telling me exactly why what you did was wrong, but you've already been forgiven. You’re such a good boy.”

And there it was again. Just a little praise from James and Steve was blushing, lowering his gaze and tilting his head to the side to offer his neck to a man who wasn’t even there. This time, however, Steve wasn’t ashamed of the reaction of his body. He let himself sink into the warm feeling. 

“I-I haven’t come since last time,” Steve confessed, his voice wavering.

James didn’t purr anymore. Instead, Steve heard a deep growl that made his stomach jump in excitement. “You’re born for this, sweet thing, aren’t you? Not many people would’ve been so patient. So much natural obedience. I wish I could see you on your knees for me right now. Tell me, was it hard to hold back?”

“N-no, Sir.” The confession made Steve blush even deeper. “I w-wanted to be g-good for you.”

“Fuck, Steve.”  James' hunger was tangible, even though Steve couldn't see the other man's face. Steve wished he could feel the heat of James' body, not just his words.

“I want to try something new today, Stevie.” The words sent a shiver down Steve’s spine. “Tell me your safeword again.”

“R-red, Sir.”

“Perfect, baby. Now I want you to answer honestly. Have you ever had a cock in that pretty little hole?”

Steve’s mind was flooded with images of the porn he had watched. Men on their knees, stuffed to the brim while spit was leaking past the gag in their mouth. Subs, tied to a breeding bench, ass in the air while their dom fucked them mercilessly with a toy. And Steve’s favorite, innocent-looking boys, using their own fingers to explore and experiment under the watchful eyes of their dom. Steve wanted to be all of them.

“N-no, Sir.”

James let out a sound, half incredulous and half delighted.

“What about your fingers, Stevie? Do you finger yourself in the shower? Do you open yourself up in your bed at night, your little hole dripping with lube?”

Arousal was coursing through Steve’s body while his mind was working in overdrive. He imagined himself in each situation James had described, watched by the dom and fulfilling every order James would give him. “N-neither one, S-Sir.”

“So you have never touched yourself before?” This time, James sounded only incredulous and Steve felt the panic rising again. He wasn’t lying. James had to believe him.   


“I was scared. I have rubbed a little, but nothing had ever g- Nothing was ever-”

“Nothing had ever been inside you?” Steve let out a loud moan in response, nodding furiously before he remembered that James couldn’t see him.

“Yes, Sir.”

“Do you have any lube?”

Steve did have a small bottle of lube at home. Nat had given it to him, more as a joke than an actual gift, but Steve had been secretly grateful at the time. He was uncomfortable buying it in a store and the internet had offered too many options, so Steve had postponed the purchase. Jerking off worked just as good with spit.  Steve was even more appreciative of Nat's gift now because, without it, he would have disappointed James.

“Y-yes, Sir.”

“I want you to go get the lube.”

Immediately, Steve jumped up and hurried to the bathroom, inadvertently leaving his phone behind. He opened the medicine cabinet and retrieved the lube he had hidden behind a bottle of shower gel, a precaution against his mother’s unannounced visits. He didn’t even close the door of the cabinet again, hurrying to get back to James.

“I-I have it, Sir.”

“Perfect. Stevie,” James said pleased and Steve could feel the familiar warmth spreading in his gut again. He had made James proud. 

“Before we begin, I want to remind you one last time that you can use your safeword at any point, but it would please me very much if you’d try this, at least just a little, for me. That being said, if you get scared, you will tell me immediately. If you don’t like it at all, you will also tell me immediately. Do you understand?”

Steve slumped down in relief. If anything was wrong, he just had to tell James. The man would take care of it. “I understand, Sir.” 

“Can you repeat that for me, sweet boy?” James asked firmly.

“I can use my safeword at any point and tell you if I get scared or don’t like it, Sir.”

“Very good. You just have to listen to me. Just do everything I tell you. Can you do that for me, Stevie?” He would do his best. Steve would make him proud.

“I’ll try, Sir. I promise.”

“That’s all I’m going to ask of you. Now tell me where you are, sweet thing.”

“In the bedroom, Sir. Sitting on the edge of the bed. I’m wearing blue boxers.” Steve had been so eager before the call that he had already taken off his clothes and turned up the heat. He wanted to show James that he really needed this. 

“Nothing else?” James asked mockingly and Steve blushed in response. 

“No, Sir.”

“You’re my eager little boy, aren’t you?” 

A week ago, Steve would have thought that James was making fun of him, but he  immediately understood James' true intention . His words lit Steve up from the inside out, increasing his arousal to a nearly painful level. He was blushing, squirming, and even though he wasn’t completely comfortable with it yet, basking in the feeling of being humiliated. James didn’t say this to mock Steve, he said it to turn him on. And there was no denying it, Steve  _ was  _ eager.

“Yes, Sir.”

“Alright, Stevie.” James’ voice changed, deeper and firmer now. “I want you to lay on your bed, prop yourself up against the headboard, and spread your legs. Can you do that for me?”

Steve scrambled onto the bed, eager to obey, but when he laid there on the sheets, Steve suddenly felt insecure. His voice wavered. “O-of course, Sir, I-”

Thankfully, James seemed to sense his struggle. “Tell me, what’s wrong, Stevie.”

“Sir, h-how far should I-I spread my legs?”

Steve knew the question was dumb, but he wanted James to tell him  _ exactly  _ how to position himself. Should he spread his legs shoulder width or as far as he could? Did James want him to bend his legs or not? Steve was struggling, and he needed his dom to give him further instructions. 

“You’re such a good boy for asking. Bend them, sweet thing, soles on the bed. Spread your legs as far as you comfortably can.” The command made Steve exhale in relief and he was convinced James had heard it over the phone. 

“I have, Sir.”

“That’s good, Stevie. Now open the lube and coat your middle finger. Don’t be stingy, I expect you to be dripping before I’m finished with you tonight.”

Steve had thrown the lube on the bed earlier, and his mind started to drift while he fumbled around for it . He wanted to drip, preferably around James’ cock, wanted to be a needy mess that was guided by his dom. All those years, Steve had been afraid, afraid to be gay, afraid to be submissive, hell, even afraid to finger himself, but it was time to change that now. He didn’t have to do this alone, James was going to guide him.

“Thank you, Sir.” The words slipped out before Steve could hold them back.

“For what?” James asked, sounding confused.

“Guiding me, helping me. I’ve never done- I’m just glad I’m not doing this on my own.”

James chuckled, warm and deep, soothing the anxious feelings that had bubbled up during Steve’s confession. “You’re very, very welcome, Stevie. Remember, I just want us both to feel good, and  I promise you're going to feel amazing if you're a good boy and do as I say. ”

“I trust you, Sir.” Steve’s words elicited a groan from James. 

“You’re truly a gift, sweet thing. I can’t believe how much of a temptation you are. Now, tell me how you feel.”

How did he feel? Steve took the time to think about it. There was a nervous flutter in his stomach but also something else. Anticipation? “Nervous… Excited.” 

James was silent and Steve needed a minute before he realized what he had done wrong. “Nervous and excited,  _ Sir. _ ”

As soon as Steve corrected his mistake, James was talking again. “That’s completely normal. You can be nervous, just don’t be afraid. I’ll guide you through it. Touch yourself now, Stevie. Massage your pretty little hole like you did under the shower. Don’t slip inside just yet.”

“Y-yes Sir.”

Steve let his hand wander between his legs, uncaring of the trace of lube left behind on his stomach. He wanted to savor this, wanted his first experience to be special, so he took his time. 

When his finger dipped between his cheeks, searching for the tight little pucker, Steve couldn’t hold back a small moan. It wasn’t even the feeling, just anticipation.

Even though Steve hadn’t had anything inside him yet, he had stroked his hole a couple of times. Finding his rim immediately, he let the tip of his finger ghost over the wrinkled skin, massaging it without breaching. For the first time in his life, he didn’t feel guilty for touching himself there.

“F-feels good, Sir.”

James let out a pleasant rumble. “It does? Then I’ll promise you’re going to like the rest. Keep rubbing Steve, tease your sweet little hole some more for me.”

Steve listened to the dom, teasing his hole beyond what he would have tolerated were he exploring by himself. He massaged the edge, setting his nerves on fire and waking up the urge to finally feel something inside of himself. It had never felt so good before. Steve relaxed, his muscles softening so that he had to be careful not to slip in accidentally. One intense stroke over his hole and Steve felt it twitching. 

“ _ Ugh _ , S-Sir, please. I-it’s pulsing.”

James let out a moan, his first of the evening, and it sounded so hungry,  _ so real _ , that Steve forgot for a second that the man was doing this for money. He closed his eyes, imagining he wasn’t calling a sex hotline, but putting on a show for his boyfriend who was sitting on the foot of the bed. 

“God, Steve. I wish I could see you now, watch you playing with yourself. Can you press in, Stevie? Just a little. Just the tip of your finger.” 

“Yes, Sir. Yes, I-” 

It was what Steve had been waiting for the entire time.  With the next pass of his finger across his rim, he abandoned his caution to not slip inside . Instead, he increased the pressure until the muscle gave way for the tip of his finger. 

Sensation ignited throughout his body, arousal sparking sharply, and Steve let out an obscene moan. It felt so much better than stroking his cock, the pleasure was deeper, more intense. 

“ _ Ngh _ , James, it’s- feel s-so  _ good _ . I-”

“Aren’t you a responsive little thing?” Steve had thought it couldn’t get better, but James’ words  heightened his pleasure even further . “Slide the rest of your finger in. Go on, Steve. Press in, take more than just the tip. Take all of it.”

Steve cried out when he pressed his entire finger in. His hole was greedy, swallowing the intrusion, and clenching around it. Steve was already  addicted to the slight burn and the tightness of his walls . Suddenly, he wanted more, so much more. He felt like he would burst if James didn’t give him another finger.

“Stevie, I have never heard someone more responsive. The sounds you make, almost like you’re dying for it. How do you feel?”

“‘S- ‘s so good, Sir, I-  _ oh, God.  _ I want more.” Everything was heat, crying for something to fill him up.

“Go ahead, sweet thing. Slick up a second finger. Spread yourself open for me.”

Steve fumbled for the lube again, hastily opening the lid and squeezing an obscene amount on his finger. He didn’t bother with closing the bottle, putting his fingers immediately where they were before and he pressed a second finger in. 

The stretch was more this time, the burn stronger, and for a moment, Steve could relax into the feeling. As long as it still burned, everything was fine. As long as it still burned, Steve  felt like he was finally full enough . Unfortunately, his body got used to the stretch and the glorious feeling disappeared. 

Steve started to sob. “James,  _ Sir,  _ I-I need more. It’s not- It’s not enough. I-I lost it.”

A growl came from the other end of the line, followed by the sound of an opening zipper. Was James touching himself? Steve didn’t want to assume, but he hoped. 

“What did you lose, sweet thing? Tell me!”

“The b-burn,” Steve hiccuped, his voice trembling pathetically, but he didn’t care. 

James’ chuckle was dark, not pleasant and light as it had been before but hungry and dangerous. Steve loved it. “Seems like you’re a little pain slut, Stevie. Tell me, how much do you want to be filled, sweet thing? What would you do for another finger?”

“Anything, Sir.” Steve would do anything for another finger. He felt so empty, even though he had two fingers buried in his ass, frantically thrusting them in and out, craving the burn from earlier. 

“Go on, my little slut. I want you to take three now. Take more lube.”

Steve’s hands trembled as he reached for the lube again. He should be afraid of James’ order to take three fingers, he wasn’t stretched enough, but remembering how good the pain had been, Steve couldn’t bring himself to care. James knew what he was doing, he would know whether Steve could take it.

Three fingers were too much, his rim was barely handling the intrusion, but Steve sank into the feeling. He felt blissfully stretched, the horrible emptiness finally gone, and Steve closed his eyes satisfied. His cock was aching, crying from being neglected for so long, but Steve didn’t need to come right now. He was content being filled like this. 

“Do you feel the burn this time, Stevie?” James' voice was rough, almost predatory and Steve shuddered under the intensity. 

“ _ Uh-huh.  _ Feels  _ good,  _ Sir.” Steve knew he was slurring, every word was a struggle, but he couldn’t care less. He hadn’t imagined that it could feel like this, wasn’t prepared, and now it was just taking him under.

“What I would do to you if I’d be there, sweet thing. I bet you look gorgeous all spread out like this, squirming and whimpering around your fingers. Imagine I’m above you, pulling out my cock, preparing to fuck you until you can’t think anymore.”

Steve pumped his fingers furiously, filling himself again and again, creating delicious friction that burned him alive. James’ words were only amplifying the arousal, showing him places where Steve had never been before. 

“Are you th-thick, Sir?” Steve didn’t mean to ask, but he couldn’t think about anything else than his dom turning him over, pulling out Steve’s fingers and replacing them with his cock.

“Oh, sweet thing,” James cooed while Steve wondered if he was only imagining the slapping noises coming from the other end of the line. “I’m way above average. I don’t know if you can take me.”

The words hurt more than Steve wanted to admit, even to himself, but they also filled him with a strong determination to prove James wrong. Steve could take it because he  _ wanted _ to take it. He wanted to prove that he could be good, wanted to prove that he could handle the man’s length. 

“I promise I can take it, Sir. I like it when you hurt me.”

It was the first time Steve had coaxed more than a little moan out of the other man. James roared, almost like an animal, and this time Steve was sure he wasn’t imagining the sound of skin on skin. James was touching himself, and the thought drove Steve wild. 

“Fuck yourself on your fingers,” James ordered, his voice almost wrecked. “Show me how much you want it. Moan for me.”

Suddenly, three fingers weren’t enough anymore and Steve felt the desperate urge to get fucked by his dom. His rim was still stretched, still struggling around the three digits, but Steve didn’t care. The burn was bearable again, and that wasn’t what Steve wanted. He wanted to struggle, wanted to need help taking it. Immediately, he started to sob.

“Need more, Sir.  _ Please _ , I-  _ Ngh _ .” 

“What do you need, baby?” James growled. “Do you need to come? Do you need to touch your cock? Or do you need me to give you permission?”

None of that, Steve needed something else, he needed- “More, ‘m still f-feeling empty, Sir.” 

It was a miracle James still understood him despite all the hiccups. “Can’t believe you still need more. You’re my little slut, Stevie, aren’t you? Not satisfied until you have my cock inside your greedy little hole, huh?”

“Yes,  _ please,  _ Sir.”

“Maybe another time, Stevie. I want you to come now. Curl your fingers. Search for the special spot inside you. You have permission to come whenever you want.”

Steve had read about the prostate, but he hadn’t found it yet. It already felt so good, he couldn’t imagine that it could feel even better. He curled his fingers, desperately ramming them in, again and again, chasing the stretch that had long since faded. 

When the tip of his middle finger hit his sweet spot, Steve was disabused. It could get better. Pleasure he had never felt before coursed through his body, his eyes rolled back and his body squirmed on his sheets.

“You’re crying so beautifully for me, Stevie. I can’t believe you’re so sensitive and loud. If I was there, I’d hit your spot again and again while I squeeze your pretty cock tight enough that you couldn’t come. I wonder if you would like that, I wonder if you were made for me.”

In the end, it was James’ words that catapulted Steve over the edge. He hadn’t touched his cock once, but it wasn’t necessary. His walls tightened rhythmically around his fingers, trying to milk them as if they were a cock. James' voice was whispering what a good boy he was, what an obedient little sub, but Steve couldn’t focus on them. Instead, Steve started to sob again.

“Hey, hey, baby, what’s wrong?”

Steve didn’t know what was wrong. The orgasm had been overwhelming, a result of a week of pent-up arousal, but he still had the feeling that something was missing. His fingers were still buried inside of him and he dreaded the moment he had to pull them out. He was afraid of the emptiness.

“I-I don’t k-know, Sir. It wasn’t… enough. Don’t make me pull them out.”

“Oh, Stevie, shhh. I’m sorry. I would have waited if I had known that you would feel this way. Baby, can you listen to me?”

Steve nodded, only to realize again that James couldn’t see him. “Yes, Sir.”

“I want you to buy toys this week, can you do that for me?”

“Toys? Like sex toys?”

“Yes, baby.” Bucky’s voice was calm again and Steve had to admit that it soothed the desperate feeling that was still burning in his body. “I want you to buy two toys for our next session, one plug as big as four of your fingers, and one dildo bigger than an average cock. It will help with the emptiness.”

Steve blushed furiously, but he couldn’t deny the excitement he felt as he thought about using a toy. “Okay, Sir.”

“Such a good boy.” As always, the praise made Steve bask in pride. He was making his dom happy. “And now tell me how you feel, Stevie.”

James didn’t hang up immediately. He talked to Steve until the horrible feeling had lessened enough for Steve to pull out his fingers. Then, the dom made sure Steve got up to clean himself with a towel, drink half a bottle of water, and eat some leftovers from yesterday’s dinner. Only when Steve had climbed back into his bed, curled up under the cozy blanket, had James said good-bye.

“Until next week, Stevie. I can’t wait to try out your new toys.”

Steve kept holding his phone in his hand even after he had ended the call. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, this took longer than I thought it would, but I'm back (this time without another project so I hope the next chapter will come sooner). Thanks again for editing, Jess. You're the best <3
> 
> Enjoy!

During the call with James, Steve had been excited to go to a sex shop. He hadn’t thought about actually going there, too focused on pleasing his dom. A few days later, however, reality came crashing down.  The prospect of buying sex toys to shove up his ass was uncomfortable, but the fact that he had to make these purchases in person made the entire task seem terrifying. Steve had barely accepted his own desires and now he had to reveal them to a cashier? A stranger?

If Steve hadn’t procrastinated, he might have had enough time to order the toys online, but Thursday sneaked up on him. He was busy at work, meeting his client for the first time and outlining the first drafts of the rental car company’s logo. His newfound sexual courage and the upcoming sex shop visit were pushed to the back of his mind. 

Monday turned into Tuesday, and Tuesday into Wednesday until Steve stood there, Thursday morning, without any of James’ requests purchased. He wouldn’t have time for a shopping trip between work and the call this afternoon, so Steve had no choice but to visit the shop before work. 

Steve briefly considered asking Nat to tag along, but he dismissed the idea quickly. He loved Nat and he was grateful that she would take him to the BDSM party, but she was still like a sister to Steve. And he didn’t want to tell his sister what exactly James was ordering him to do, much less taking her sex toy shopping, so he decided to go alone. 

The shop opened at 9 am, an hour before Steve had to be at work. If he hurried, he might even have the time to grab coffee and breakfast in a small bakery after. Buying sex toys couldn’t possibly take more than ten minutes.

Steve was  _ so, so _ wrong. 

He was already swamped when he stood in front of the shop window, a few minutes before 9. He stared at the artfully decorated window, overwhelmed by the sheer amount of sex toys that were on display. Turning his head, Steve made sure that no one was paying attention to him before he took a closer look at the display.

The centerpieces of the shop window were four mannequins, each of them dressed in a provocative outfit. Leather pants, corsets, collars, lingerie, Steve didn’t know where to look at first and he felt the familiar warmth rising in his cheeks. He liked the outfits, liked the thought of himself wearing nothing but the collar and the lingerie, or even better, imagining James as a dark-haired bulky man dressed in nothing but leather pants. 

His own pants became tight when pictures of James and himself popped up in his mind. What did the man looking like? Would he like Steve in clothing like that? Dressed up and ready to be taken? Would he like the thought of Steve standing in front of a shop window, achingly hard and fighting with his own embarrassment?

Before Steve could lose himself in the thoughts, he was interrupted by the sound of the opening door. A quick gaze at his watch confirmed that it was already 9 am. Time to get this over with. 

The shop window had already almost been too much for Steve, but it couldn’t be compared to the entire shop. Fortunately, it was divided into multiple sections such that Steve could skip the DVDs and the BDSM section right away. As much as he secretly liked the thought of being tied down and opened with a spreader bar, he wasn’t even remotely ready to purchase restraints yet. Instead, he walked over to the toy section. 

Steve swallowed as he stopped in front of a shelf. Hundreds upon hundreds of dildos, vibrators, butt plugs, and anal beads were on display. Some of them were barely as big as Steve’s thumb, others longer than his entire forearm. They came in all the different colors, black, pink, a horrible neon pink. And to make it even more difficult, they were made of various materials too. Why would anyone purchase a sex toy made of wood or metal? 

With every passing second, Steve was more and more overwhelmed. He stood there, not moving an inch while he stared at the shelf like someone would stare at their enemy. He should have done some research at home, thought about shape and material beforehand.

_ Wait! Was that an octopus dildo?  _ Half scared and half confused, Steve grabbed a light pink sex toy from the middle of the shelf. It was formed like a tentacle with little bumps and it was more flexible than Steve had thought. There were too many sex toys to chose from. What was James expecting from him? Who needed so much variety?

“A great choice. For your partner?” 

Steve flinched and turned beet red when a deep voice interrupted him. The sales associate, a man not older than thirty, had caught him with a tentacle dildo in his hands. Steve wanted to die. 

“N-no, no, I-”

“It’s called octopussy,” the man said calmly as if they were talking about the weather. “The unique form promises an entirely new sensation. I obviously haven’t tried it but my girlfriend is in love.”

Steve looked at the man mortified. That was way more information than Steve was comfortable with. 

“N-No, I’m l-looking for myself.”

“Oh, great, but then this isn’t the model you’re looking for. You should pick a dildo out of the anal section.” The shop assistant pointed to the left side of the shelf. “Pay attention that it has a flared base so it doesn’t accidentally get lost inside of you. Wouldn’t be the first one to go to the hospital because a sex toy gets stuck. But don’t worry, I think we have a similar model for anal use. Tentacles are a trend right now.”

The man bent down to look at the lower shelves and Steve could feel the panic rising inside of him. He didn’t want a tentacle dildo. He just wanted a plain simple model. 

“NO!” Steve shouted louder than he intended to and the man straightened with a puzzled look on his face. Steve immediately adjusted his voice, mortified by his own outburst. “No, I’m sorry, I- I’m just looking for a regular dildo.”

“Of course.” The smile was back on the man’s face and Steve relaxed a little. “Any idea about the size?”

Okay, Steve could do that! James had told him exactly what to buy. “O-one as big as four of my f-fingers and one slightly bigger than an average cock. And no bright colors please.” Steve added the last sentence as his gaze fell on a neon yellow sex tox that was shaped like a banana. 

The shop assistant turned back to the shelf and studied the selection. After a minute, he grabbed a dark blue toy, simple and straight, and a larger black one. 

“Try these. They’re body-safe silicone, sturdy but soft. Great for beginners.”

Steve took them, relieved that he finally found something that wasn’t too flashy, thick, or fancy. The assistant left him alone and went back to the cash register, giving Steve some time to get himself back together. 

Even though Steve wanted to leave right away, he needed a few moments before he could face the man again and pay for the toys. His gaze landed on a simple set of black butt plugs, smaller than the dildos James had ordered him to buy. The package claimed they were made for long-term use, and before Steve could change his mind, he grabbed one of the boxes as well. Who knows when they would come in handy?

Making his way to the cash register, Steve did his best not to look at what he was holding in his hands. He had already spent too much time in the store, ten minutes had turned into almost half an hour, and he didn’t have the time to retreat to the back of the store again. Steve was an adult, goddammit. He was old enough to buy some toys without making a fuss. 

To his horror, Steve caved again while he was placing his picks on the counter. He hadn’t wanted to buy anything else, but next to the register was another mannequin. It was dressed in nothing but a collar and black booty shorts that hid almost nothing. Steve couldn’t look away. 

The shorts were a temptation, and even though Steve knew they likely wouldn’t fit him, he grabbed a pair that looked like his size and placed it on the counter as well. It wouldn’t hurt to buy them, no one would force him to wear the shorts, but just thinking about going out with something so obscene made him feel warm and reckless. 

“That’s 167.96$.” 

Steve paid without batting an eye. For a second, Steve pondered using his credit card, but he was too scared someone would link the purchase to his name. In the end, he paid the entire sum in cash.

“Enjoy your purchase.” The shop assistant winked at him and put a free bottle of lube into a grey discrete bag alongside Steve’s purchases. Steve couldn’t stop himself from blushing again and he lowered his gaze while he hurried to leave the store. 

As soon as the door closed behind him, Steve’s heart rate calmed down. He did it. He made James proud. Now he only had to survive work. 

~*~ 

Surviving work turned out to be harder than Steve had expected. The day started well. He had already forgotten about the bag of sex toys that he had hidden behind his desk, busy meeting with the client and working on the logo. Even though he hadn’t had time to buy breakfast at the bakery earlier, Steve managed to grab a coffee to go. Nat had planned to have lunch with him later anyway. 

It was right after his lunch break that Steve’s day went south. As soon as they entered the company’s building again, Tony Stark himself approached Steve because he needed help with one of his projects. Another project designer was very sick and Steve had to take over his client because his co-worker wouldn’t return to work before the deadline.

It wasn’t long before Steve could go back to his desk, Tony Stark had merely informed him about the situation, and he was already playing with design ideas in his head. Focused on everything Steve still had to do, he didn’t notice that Nat was sitting in his chair at first, the grey bag in her lap. Only when she started giggling, Steve looked up.  _ Oh, no! _ She was looking inside the bag. 

“I didn’t think you’d be bold enough to bring your toys to work,” Nat whistled and Steve turned red like a tomato. He should have brought a backpack instead of hoping no one would snoop behind his desk. At least, there wasn’t anyone else in the office at the moment. Steve would have died if Peter Parker, the young intern, found out about this.

“That’s none of your concern, Nat.”

“Come on, Stevie. Don’t be like that,” Nat pouted, but Steve could see that she wasn’t serious. “I thought I was your best friend.”

With a sigh, Steve sat down on his co-worker’s chair. He cursed the curious and teasing side of his best friend. Couldn’t this conversation wait until after work? According to Nat’s devious smile, it probably couldn’t.

“You are my best friend, not my dom.”

“Best friends tell each other everything, don’t you think so, Steve?”

“Not when it comes to my sex life.”

“That’s no fun.” This time Nat was pouting for real. “You know I wouldn’t judge you.”

“That doesn’t mean I have to tell you everything about my kinks. I appreciate that you’re supporting me with all of this, but you’re basically my adopted sister. Do you really want to know everything?”

Nat was silent for a second, her head tilted to the side while a hint of disgust ghosted over her face. Steve supposed he was as much a brother to her as she was a sister to him. He’d save any conversations about sex for Clint. 

“Probably not. Still, I’m taking you to a kink party. Did you already forget? You’re going to watch live porn while standing next to me.”

A week ago, Steve would have fled after such a comment, but he knew Nat was exaggerating. Sure, there would be live scenes at the party, but Nat had explained that they would take place in separate rooms. The party was primarily about meeting people and talking about what society usually considered ‘weird’ in bed. And, to be completely honest, Steve was curious enough to take a look at the performances. Just not one that Nat was participating in.

“As long as I don’t have to watch Clint and you.”

“We’ve already performed a scene on a stage once before.”

_ Ugh! _ Steve really didn’t need to know that. 

“Well, if you ever plan to have sex in public again, please warn me beforehand so I can take off in time.”

“Don’t worry, nerd. By the way, Bucky will be there anyway and he would tear his eyes out if he’d have to watch me having sex with Clint too. I already promised to warn him in case I decide to plan more than a non-sexual scene with Clint.”

Steve had already forgotten about Nat’s brother. He really hoped Bucky would stick with him and act as a buffer in case Nat would decide to play with Clint. Nat had mentioned that her brother was familiar with the scene. Maybe he could show Steve around if his best friend was busy? He was dying to meet someone who could explain everything to him. Someone who didn’t feel like family.

“I can live with that.”

“Now that you mention it, do you plan on wearing this?”

Steve’s eyes widen in horror as he watched Nat pulling out the booty shorts.  Purchasing them had seemed like a good idea while he was in the sex shop, but the shorts looked even sluttier than he remembered as they dangled from her fingers. He turned around quickly, making sure the door of the office was still locked. 

“Nat!”

“What?” She looked at him innocently and Steve was still torn between embarrassment and horror. “Why else would you have bought this if you didn’t want to wear it to the party?”

“Maybe I want to wear it at home?” Steve knew Nat knew that it was a lie, but he didn’t have a better excuse. Suddenly, he felt like a fool for buying the shorts. 

“Bullshit.”

“Nat, I don’t even know if they fit.”

“That’s easy to figure out. Try it on when you’re home.”

Steve swallowed and lowered his gaze. He couldn’t lie to her and it was only a matter of time until she would see the doubts in his expression so he decided to go with the truth. “Isn’t it too… revealing?”

“Hey, don’t think too much about it. Some subs will wear nothing but a collar and panties. You will be fine.”

“Maybe it’s too cold.”

“Wear a sweater.”

“A sweater at a party?”

“Yes.” Nat smiled at him encouragingly. “The combination is great. A cute cozy sweater and hot booty shorts. Believe me, some doms are suckers for a cute boy in a sweater and no one will be able to resist your ass in something like this.” She pointed at the tiny piece of fabric. “By the way, tell me your secret. How do you get your ass to look so plump? It’s almost like a peach.” Her words made him smile briefly before the doubts came back again. 

“I don’t know about the outfit.”

“Just try it, Steve. Pack normal jeans too if it makes you feel better. You can always change in the bathroom.”

That was actually a good idea. Nat was usually right, she wouldn’t tell him to wear the outfit if he’d make a fool of himself. Maybe it was time to get out of his comfort zone. Hell, he was going to a kink party, and if he felt too bad about his clothes later, he’d still be able to change.

“I’ll try. Promise.”

Nat gave him one of her rare honest smiles. “You’re the best.”

“Why are you my best friend again?” Steve asked jokingly. 

Nat raised an eyebrow. “Because I accept you and your kinks?” She had a point.

“Idiot.”

“I love you too, Stevie.”

“And now get out of my office chair. I still have work to do.” 

Nat laughed loudly and stood up, pulling out one of his newly purchased toys and pointing it at him. Steve blushed, but the small smile never left his face. She was acting like a child and it was lifting his mood. 

Before anyone had the opportunity to enter the room, Steve took the dildo away from her and put it back into the bag. This time, he placed the bag in his drawer instead. No one would open it without his permission. 

“You know that I’m happy for you, Steve?” Nat turned around again before she left the room. “You’re not there yet, but I can see you being happy one day. Without anyone telling you what to do. Well, besides your dom of course.” She snickered and Steve rolled his eyes. She was an idiot, but he was still fond of her. Unfortunately.

“Me too, Nat. Me too.”

Even though he was still scared, he couldn’t wait for the party. Not even three more weeks to wait. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! <3

Work was a nightmare in the afternoon. Nat hadn’t mocked Steve about his purchases anymore, but Tony Stark decided to stop by and made it his personal mission to control every bit of Steve’s work progress and breathe down his neck. After five minutes, Steve was a nervous mess, constantly aware of his boss’ piercing eyes on him while he tried to catch up on the tasks of his sick coworker. Time was tight enough, he didn’t need Tony Stark to monitor him on top of everything else. 

Thursdays were the only days Steve was eager to get home on time. He usually wasn’t opposed to working extra hours because Mr. Stark paid fairly well, but Thursdays were for Steve’s dom and his own pleasure. Steve was just five minutes away from leaving the office when Tony Stark decided to announce that his best employee had to stay for an extra hour. 

Steve was fidgety, constantly looking at his watch while a voice in his head screamed at him to just stand up and go home so he wouldn’t displease his dom. The minutes ticked by and Steve knew he would miss the last bus that could bring him home on time if he didn’t leave right now. 

Finally, Mr. Stark had mercy and released him with a small smile that Steve answered by grabbing his stuff and running out of the door. He wouldn’t catch the bus anymore and the next was coming half an hour later, but maybe he could make it in time if he ran home. 

In the end, Steve unlocked the front door ten minutes before the scheduled call. He was sweaty and completely out of breath, so he decided to jump into the shower. He didn’t have enough time left to dress or even gather the supplies he had bought, but at least he wasn’t sweaty anymore. 

Sitting on the edge of his bathtub, Steve dialed James’ number. 

“Hello, James.” Steve still sounded like he had just run a marathon.

“Steve! I’m glad you’re calling again. How was your week? Did you do everything I asked you to?” 

James’ voice settled something inside of Steve and he relaxed for the first time this afternoon. God, he hadn’t only missed the amazing phone sex, he had missed talking to the man as well. 

“Yes, Sir. I bought the supplies.”

“You sound out of breath. Everything okay?” There was a hint of concern in James’ voice that warmed Steve from the inside. 

“I’m sorry, Sir. I ran home to be on time for the call. My boss wanted me to work an extra hour and I missed the bus. Won’t happen again, Sir.”

“Steve, I would have understood if you were late because of work. As long as it isn’t your own fault, I won’t punish you for not being on time.” 

For a brief moment, Steve could feel embarrassment washing over him. He had been so eager to be home on time, afraid he would disappoint his dom. A few weeks ago, nothing had been more important than his job, but now there was something else. A desire that equally scared and excited him.

“I’m still sorry, Sir. I just- I wanted to be good for you.”

“You  _ are _ good for me. Steve, I enjoy-” James paused for a second before he found his words again. It was probably the first time Steve heard James’ voice break. “You’re a good boy. If you ever decide to try out BDSM with a dom in person, I’m sure he will be very pleased with you.”

_ Can I try it with you?  _ Steve barely held back from asking the question. Every time they talked, every time James made him come or took control of him, Steve seemed to forget for a second longer that this was James’ job. He wanted to ask the man to meet, wanted to try out everything while James was present, but he knew such a request would only end what they had together. So Steve swallowed the words and pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind. 

“Thank you, Sir.”

“You’re welcome, my good boy.” Was there possessiveness in James’ voice? No way. Steve had probably just heard what he wanted to hear. “Now tell me, Steve, where are you?”

The question pulled Steve out of his spiraling thoughts. “I-I’m in the bathroom, Sir. Just got out of the shower. I have a towel wrapped around my hips.”

James hummed, a deep gravelly sound that vibrated through the phone and sent a shiver down Steve’s spine. “I see. Have you cleaned yourself everywhere for me?”

“That’s what a shower is for, isn’t it?”

“Don’t get cocky on me boy,” James growled in a clear warning that made Steve’s cock twitch for the first time. The movement loosened the knot of the towel and Steve could feel it slide down dangerously low on his hips. 

“I don’t want to punish you today, Stevie, but I will if you don’t show me some respect.”

“I’m sorry, Sir.”

“I’m asking you again. Have you cleaned yourself everywhere?”

Steve didn’t know what James wanted to hear. “I think so, Sir?”

“So you have rubbed soap on your entire body?”

James’ voice changed, firmness mixed with something deeper, something hungrier. Steve knew the dom had started to play, and his cock reacted immediately, tenting the towel until it finally gave way and fell on the bathroom floor. God, what he would give for James standing in his bathroom, looking at him while he played Steve like a fiddle. 

“Yes, Sir.” 

“Your hair, your chest, and your sensitive nipples?”

“Uh-huh. Yes, Sir.”

“Between your legs, down your balls and between your cheeks?”

“Y-yes, Sir.”

“And what about your greedy little hole, sweetheart? Have you put a finger inside? Cleaned yourself properly so you can take the toys I ordered you to buy?”

“N-no, Sir. I h-haven’t thought about that.”

Images flashed behind Steve’s eyes, himself in the shower on all fours while James stood behind him, plunging his fingers into Steve’s hole to clean him for the dom’s cock. He had never cleaned himself inside before, it hadn’t been necessary until now, but for James, for James, he would do it every morning, prep himself to show James that Steve was truly his. 

“Hmm, I think we should change that, don’t you agree?” 

Would James do it for him? Would he clean Steve so he could use him properly?

“I don’t- I… Yes, of course.”

“Steve, I want to try something new right now. Please remember that you can use your safeword.”

The reminder was familiar by now and Steve smiled. “I will, Sir. I promise.”

“Good boy,” James’ voice was nothing more than a growl. “Tell me, baby, have you ever thought about cleaning yourself while another person is watching? Pushing one of your fingers inside your greedy little hole to prep yourself for someone else’s cock? You don’t have to answer this right now. Just think about how good it would feel. Can you imagine it, Stevie? Giving the power over your body entirely to someone else? To me?”

Humiliation coursed through Steve’s body, lighting him up until it ended in his cock. Steve knew he was dripping by now, his cock already fully hard. He sunk onto the soft carpet in front of the sink, unconsciously spreading his legs to open up for his dom to use. He could feel his hole tingle. There was nothing he wanted more than being filled while he obeyed every single one of James’ commands.

“I- James,  _ please.  _ Green.”

James purred, a satisfied sound that made it hard for Steve to keep his hands unmoving. He wanted to touch himself so badly, but James hadn’t told him to yet. “Do you have a bathtub, Stevie?”

“Yesss, Sir.”

“Get in the tub and lean your chest against the edge. I want you to turn on the water, wait until the temperature is pleasant.”

Steve hurried to get up, his legs shaking, but he managed to climb into the tub. The tiles were cold against his heated skin and Steve kneeled down, his head rested on the edge of the tub while his hands fumbled behind him to get a hold of the showerhead. He turned on the water and waited for it to warm up.

“It’s pleasant, Sir.”

“Aim the spray at your hole and clean yourself, baby. Close your eyes and put a finger in, imagine it would be me standing behind you, watching you.”

Another surge of humiliation coursed through Steve, spiked with a tad of fear that made him hesitate for a second. Steve already knew there would be no way back after he had given himself to James again, the man would pull him under his spell. 

“Sir, I please, I can’t-”

“Do you want to use your safeword?” 

“NO!” Steve panicked, he didn’t want it to stop. He never wanted it to stop. “I mean, no, Sir. I don’t want to use it.”

James' voice changed again, the hungry hint gone, replaced by firmness and dominance. “Steve, I want you to follow my orders or use the safeword, not listen to you protesting.” 

“I’m sorry, Sir. I’ll be better. I-  _ Ngh _ .”

Steve’s voice broke when his first finger slipped inside of his hole, the friction burned even though his finger was dripping wet. Water just wasn’t the same as lube, but Steve couldn’t deny that the burn did something to him. 

He could feel himself starting to drift, slowly overtaken by James and his commands. The stretch wasn’t enough. Quite the contrary, it didn’t even take a minute until Steve’s body was used to it, but the humiliation was something else. He was sitting in a bathtub, one finger up his ass to clean himself because James had told him so.

“Does it feel good, Stevie?”

“Yes, Sir.” Steve’s voice was barely a whisper.

“The cleaning itself or the humiliation?” 

It took Steve’s entire energy to focus on the meaning of James’ words. “The h-humiliation, Sir.”

“Stevie, baby, you’re doing great. So good for me. I know it’s hard but you’re trying your best. I’m really proud of you.”

“Hmm.” Steve sighed dreamily while he pressed a second finger inside, opening himself for the water. It should have felt weird, hell, it  _ had felt weird  _ in the beginning, but after a while, Steve didn’t question the heat in his stomach anymore. It didn’t matter if it was humiliation that made him feel like he was drifting, as long as it wouldn’t stop.

“Are you all clean now, my boy?” James asked after a while, slowly coaxing Steve out of the headspace he had been in.

“Yes, Sir.”

“When you feel like you can move again, grab a towel and dry yourself. Don’t hurry, take your time. You’re doing so well. Just tell me when you’re ready.”

Steve  _ did  _ take his time. He enjoyed the pleasant sensation of warm water and withdrew his fingers one by one. Fumbling for a towel, Steve did his best to ignore the empty feeling and tried to focus on James’ voice instead. The dom was guiding him, reminding him to dry himself until Steve’s mind finally cleared.

“I’m ready, Sir.” 

“Steve, I want you to get lube, the supplies you bought and a towel. Go to your bedroom, and climb on your bed. Lay on your back, legs bent and spread.” 

Suddenly giddy with excitement, Steve almost ran to the hallway where he had dropped the sex shop bag when he had come home. Quickly grabbing a fresh towel, Steve hurried to get to his bedroom, eager to follow every single of James’ commands. The lube was safely stashed in the drawer of his bedside table and Steve pulled out the bottle before he took the commanded position.

“All done, Sir.” 

James’ made a pleasing sound that went straight to Steve’s cock. “I want you to toy with your greedy little hole while you describe to me what you bought, but don’t you dare press inside.”

“Can I already use lube, Sir?”

“Of course.”

Steve opened the bottle and coated three of his fingers in lube before he let them wander between his legs. He was too eager for foreplay, straight up aiming for his hole and he couldn’t stop the relieved sigh when the tip of his middle finger grazed his hole for the first time. 

“Hmmm.”

Immediately, Steve lost himself in the feeling. It was as if his body was begging for this, begging to be finally filled again. He drew circles around his perineum, occasionally stroking his pulsing rim but always careful not to dip inside. His muscle relaxed more and more, opening for whatever would come and it got harder and harder not to thrust inside. 

“Steve, stay with me.” James’ voice was firm and Steve could feel himself clench in response. “I want you to describe what you bought.”

_ What he bought? Oh, the sex toys.  _ Not willing to give up the soft stroking of his hole, Steve fumbled for the bag with his free hand. Finally, he dumped his purchases onto the bed. 

“I-I’ve bought four things.”

“Four?” James asked, amused. “Couldn’t stop yourself in the store, hm?”

The words were like fire burning through Steve’s veins and he didn’t need a mirror to see that he was blushing furiously. His cock jumped greedily, but there was another part of him, an embarrassed part, that whispered into his ears what a slut he was. James was right, Steve really couldn’t stop himself, eager to try everything he had missed in his life.

“No, Sir.”

Apparently, James had heard the hesitation in his voice because James’ tone changed. “Stevie, there’s no shame in getting what you want.” 

Steve really wanted to believe that. 

“I’m sorry, Sir.”

“Hey, baby, don’t be sorry. I like the image of a pretty little sub getting all worked up and buying more sex toys than I told him to. It’s great to try new things, you might be surprised.”

“I just feel so… needy.” Confessing his feelings to James felt good, even though there was still a part of Steve that feared being mocked for his behavior. 

“You say that as if it’d be something bad,” James growled, and there was undoubtedly arousal in his voice. “There’s nothing more beautiful than a desperate sub on his knees for me, crying for me to stuff his hole. It’s not shameful to be needy, Stevie. If you were mine, I would keep you on your knees for hours until you beg me for my cock. But I wouldn’t give it to you right away, baby. I would stuff you with one of the toys you bought, listening to every single moan and whimper until you would start to cry.”

The images James conjured with his words in Steve’s mind were overwhelming, and suddenly, the wish to belong to James was stronger than it had ever been. Steve was a mess. His cock was leaking even though he hadn’t touched it yet, his hole was clenching, even though nothing had been inside yet, and the only thing Steve wanted was to belong to James. He didn’t want to be a customer, he wanted to be James’ sub. 

Before he could accidentally spill his thoughts, Steve decided to beg. “Please, can I have a finger? James, Sir,  _ please _ .”

“Not yet, my little slut. I remember giving you an order.”

Being called James’ little slut made Steve’s arousal only worse and his hands trembled when he fumbled for the first purchase. His fingers closed around a soft piece of fabric and Steve held the revealing shorts in his hands.

“I bought shorts, Sir.”

“Shorts?”

“Yes, black shorts.”

“Why did you buy shorts?” James asked, curious. 

“There’s this thing I’m going to, I-” Steve held back before he could say too much. He had already told James enough about his life, the man was a dom he paid and not his therapist, for god’s sake. He didn’t need to know about the party. 

“Never mind.” James let the break slide. “They looked good. Barely c-covering m-my-”

“Your what?” James’ deep voice should be forbidden and Steve had to clench his hands to fists to stop himself from slipping a finger inside. There was still so much lube. It would be so easy...

“My ass, Sir.” Even though Steve’s voice was wavering in the end, the confession made James growl. Steve pictured him, a tall strong man, his piercing eyes black with hunger, gaze directed at Steve. 

“You’re an even bigger slut than I thought you’d be. Is it getting you all hot, Stevie? Imagining what you’d do to your dom when he could see you dressed like this?”

_ Yesss, I’ve bought them thinking about how much you’d love to see me all dressed up for you. _

“Yes, Sir. I want it. I wish you could see me wearing them.”

“Me too, baby. I bet you look delicious. Go on now, tell me what else you’ve bought.”

Steve turned his head to take a look at the sex toys that laid next to him on the bed. 

“A set of black butt plugs in several sizes, a blue silicone dildo as big as four of my fingers and a bigger red dildo.”

James hummed. “Hmm, I want you to grab the blue dildo and put the rest aside.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Steve was too aroused to care where the toys would land, so he just swept the rest of his purchases off the bed. He could clean them afterward.

“You’ve come so far during the last few weeks, Stevie. I’m proud of you.”

The words did something to him, something he couldn’t even describe. There was arousal, of course, but there was also something more. Steve wasn’t only proud of himself that he had finally embraced his desires, everything was emphasized by the knowledge that he had made  _ James _ proud. And fuck, did it felt good. 

Suddenly, he couldn’t wait to be filled anymore.

“Really? Can I…? A finger?  _ Please,  _ James.”

“Yes, baby, open yourself and sing for me.”

And sing Steve did. Finally, he pressed the tip of his finger inside. There was barely resistance, his muscle already pliant and open and he was practically sucked into the warm tightness. An obscene moan slipped past his lips, loud enough to echo across the room, and couldn’t even wait a second longer to press his finger in completely. 

Not even a minute in, one finger wasn’t enough anymore. “More, I- Sir, need more, need you- I…”

“Fuck yourself on the toy, Stevie,” James ordered and his command made Steve’s wall clench around his finger. “I want you to imagine it is me fucking you while you can do nothing but twist and squirm on the sheets. Would you like that, my little slut?”

“Ngh- I-” As soon as Steve pressed his second finger in, he forgot everything he wanted to say.

“No answer, baby? Let me guess, you’re drifting? I can’t believe just the promise of a toy is already enough to make you lose your mind. What would my cock do?”

“Need it, Sir. I- I want it so much.”

“Take it now.”

Steve knew he wasn’t prepped enough and he couldn’t be more grateful. He yearned for the stretch, wanted it to be a struggle. The two fingers made the emptiness more bearable, but they did nothing to bring the slight burn back. The toy on the other hand…

One hand fumbled for the blue dildo while the other hand was busy opening the lid of the lube bottle. Steve sighed in relief when the toy was finally coated and before anything could spill onto the mattress, he positioned it in front of his hole. 

_ This is going to be the first toy entering me and James will hear every single noise I make.  _ With this thought, Steve pressed in. 

It was heavenly. He didn’t stop, hell, he couldn’t stop. Every inch filled him up sp perfectly and coaxed moan after moan, whimper after whimper out of him. Steve loved it. The silicone felt different, not only thicker than the three fingers he had had inside of him, it felt like something else. Something foreign, that didn’t belong to him. 

His moans were loud and he could hear sounds coming from the other end of the line, satisfied little grunts James made. Steve distantly realized that he was babbling, begging and pleading James to fuck him and the burn made it only that much  _ better. _

It was when the last inch settled inside of Steve that the tip of the toy bumped against his prostate and Steve let out a cry. The pressure didn’t lessen. He was neither pulling out the toy nor pushing against it, but the clenching of his walls was enough to keep the steady pressure against his prostate. He hadn’t even moved, he hadn’t, but he was already- 

“Sir, I can’t- I”

“Are you alright, baby? Is it too much?” James sounded concerned.

“No, not too much. It’s just- I’m close.”

It was almost pathetic how fast the toy was bringing Steve towards the edge. He hadn’t even touched his cock, but it was already twitching against his stomach. The pressure inside of him was enough to send Steve flying.

“Fuck, I can’t believe that. Are you doing this on purpose, Stevie? Are you here to tempt me, to rile me up? What I would give to be allowed to train you properly. The first thing up your ass that is only remotely similar to a cock and you’re already close to coming after five seconds. If you were mine I would take you again and again until I could slip my cock inside in one go without you threatening to spill. I wouldn’t let you come until you learn to hold back.”

That was exactly what Steve wanted. He was ready. Experiencing all of this with someone on the phone wasn’t enough anymore. He wanted to be fucked for real, he wanted to be submissive for someone who stands right next to him, not for someone on the other end of a phone. One day, he wanted to give his entire trust to someone else, tied up with his ass presenting, waiting for his dom to fuck him. Maybe he would even get spanked before.

“I want that,  _ please _ . Can I come, Sir? I’m trying, I promise.” Steve moved the toy carefully, just tapping against it with his fingers, afraid he would come without permission.

“Who am I, Stevie?” James growled. 

“My dom.”

“And who controls you? Who gives you permission to come?”

“You, Sir.”

“And do you think you’ve earned an orgasm?”

Did he? He hadn’t broken any rule, he had bought what James told him to, but he didn’t know what it took to earn an orgasm. But James, James did. 

“I don’t know,” Steve whined. “It’s up to you, Sir. Just,  _ please _ . I want to be good for you, I want to-”

“Come for me.”

The words were as unexpected as the following orgasm. It didn’t take much and Steve was clenching around the toy, shooting his cum all over his chest. His entire body twisted in pleasure, so much deeper and so much more intense than anything Steve had ever experienced with his own hand around his cock. It was like he was made for this, made to be fucked and ordered around. Surprisingly, the thought didn’t only not scare him, it made him feel warm inside, almost comforting. 

They were silent for a while. Steve drifted on the emotional high, a dopey smile on his face. The toy was still snugly inside of him and he wasn’t ready to pull it out yet. Maybe he would just replace it with a smaller plug later. 

“Steve, I’m deeply sorry.” James' conflicted voice tore him from his thoughts. 

“Huh?”

“I took this too far.” Too far? What was the man talking about?

“You did?”

“I shouldn’t have lost my control,” James explained. “You’ve never agreed to be my sub, but I treated you as such. I’m sorry if I crossed a line.”

“You didn’t, Sir. I’m fine.”  _ I liked it.  _

Steve didn’t know where the doubts were suddenly coming from. 

“Still, Steve. I’m sorry for my behavior.”

With a falsely cheerful voice, Steve assured James again that it was fine, even though he wasn’t so certain anymore. What were they even doing here? Steve knew he was becoming too attached, but it was something else to hear that James regretted his own behavior as well. 

Steve wanted something real. He wanted a dom he didn’t pay to teach him everything about BDSM, but for James Steve was a client, maybe one James was getting attached to, but still just a client. Steve knew he had to run before this thing between them got too big for him to handle. 

“I don’t know if I’ll call again,” Steve confessed but not regretting the words.

James sighed. “It’s probably for the best.” Even though James was right, the words still hurt. 

“One day you’ll find a dom, Steve, and he’ll show you everything.”

Steve spoke before he could change his mind. “I’m sorry it won’t be you.”

James' reply sounded almost sad. “Me too.”


	7. Chapter 7

Steve stood in front of his bathroom mirror and examined his reflection critically. He was wearing the booty shorts for the first time apart from when he had tried them on, regretting that he hadn’t paid close attention to how short they were back then. Now, on the other hand, he couldn’t ignore anymore that the low curve of his ass wasn’t covered by the fabric. And he was supposed to leave the house wearing this.

The beige sweater Steve had paired with the shorts was one of his favorite pieces of clothing, but now even the soft cashmere couldn’t distract him from how exposed he felt. Quite the contrary, the sweater was directing the attention even more to his bare thighs. 

Half an hour ago, Steve had still felt confident. He had looked forward to the party, excited to meet new people, and there had been no doubts about the stupid shorts. Steve had even worked one of the smaller butt plugs into his ass, grounding himself in the sensation of being filled and open. He wasn’t sure about going home with a dom today, but Steve wanted to be prepared. 

However, five minutes before Nat and Clint would pick him up, the doubts had come back full force. What if he would meet anyone from work? What if someone of his old life would see him like this, ass basically exposed? What would they think about him? Would they know that Steve was so desperate to be filled that he plugged himself up before leaving the house?

“-eve? Hello, Steve!” A voice right next to his ear tore Steve from his thoughts and he jumped startled. 

“Nat, what are you doing here?”

His best friend stood in the middle of his bathroom, dressed in a short leather dress and a black coat, looking at him in concern. “I knocked four times and tried to call you twice. We were supposed to pick you up twenty minutes ago. Clint is waiting in the car.”

Steve took a look at his phone. Fuck, he could have sworn he hadn’t spent more than five minutes in front of the mirror.

“By the way, how did you get in?”

Nat opened his palm and revealed a familiar silver key Steve had given her a few months ago as the company had sent him on a business trip.

“Hey! This is an emergency key. Why do you even carry it with you?”

“Oh, Steve,” Nat smirked at him. “I just wanted to be sure you wouldn’t chicken out. Better be prepared, don’t you think?”

Steve mumbled, even though he wasn’t really mad. In the end, he  _ had  _ forgotten the time, so Nat’s concern was probably valid. Besides, he would have probably spent another hour in front of the mirror if no one pulled him away. 

He threw a last critical glance at the outfit before Nat had enough. “You look good, Steve. I would totally tie you up if you weren’t gay and I weren’t committed to Clint. Let’s leave! I don’t want Clint to be alone for too long.” 

Sighing, Steve grabbed his coat, keys, and wallet, and followed Nat to the car that was parked in front of his house. He just had to stop thinking about his stupid outfit and the plug in his ass. He wanted to enjoy the evening and not waste it with his insecurities. Unfortunately, the plug wasn’t as easy to forget because the stupid thing bumped against his prostate with every step. He could always take it out in a bathroom… Maybe.

  
  


~*~

Whoever had picked the location of the BDSM party, they definitely had good taste. Nat parked in front of an old building that looked like it had once been an office of a small company. At least from the outside, no one would expect it to be a location of a BDSM party. 

As soon as they stepped inside, however, it looked more like Steve had expected. They walked into an entrance hall which was completely redecorated. The walls were painted in a dark color, not gray but not quite black either. The floor was covered with a dark red carpet and curtains in the same color hung in front of every window to keep curious eyes. Tasteful chandeliers bathed the room in soft light and completed the look. 

The nervousness Steve had felt during the days leading to the party was blown away as he took in the magical atmosphere. Suddenly, it was like he was walking into another world, a world in which his job, his history, and his insecurities didn’t matter. 

There was a slight flare of his nerves again when Nat led them to the cloakroom, but even without his coat, Steve didn’t feel half as exposed as he had felt in his own bathroom. He wasn’t the only person showing too much skin, some subs were dressed in nothing but panties.

“Steve, I’m not your dominant, but I’m the one bringing you here for your first time, so it’s my place to tell you the rules,” Nat said before they walked through the door that led to the main room. “Are you familiar with the traffic light system?”

“Red for stop, yellow for slow down, and green for go?”

“Exactly. Although some people might have their own safewords, the traffic light system is a universal safeword for the entire club. You might not play today, but whenever something gets too much, you can always use the traffic light system. In return, you have to respect people using it. If you watch a scene and someone safewords out, please leave the room immediately.” Steve nodded to make clear he understood. 

“Moreover, never touch a sub without explicit consent during a scene, either from the sub themselves or his dominant. BDSM is a sensitive topic. Steve, whatever you’ll see today, don’t intervene. If you think someone is going against the sub’s wishes, call for security. Don’t step in on your own, okay?”

“Of course, I get it.”

“I trust you to value people’s privacy. No phones, no cameras, and no talking to anyone outside of the club about who you’ll see today.”

“I understand, Nat. I’ll stick to the rules promise.”

Nat gave him a smile. “Do you want to stay with us or mingle with the crowd?”

Steve had to take one look at the leash Nat was going to attach to Clint’s collar before he made a decision. “I’m going to explore the club on my own. See you later.”

“Have fun, Steve.” Nat’s smile turned into a smirk. “Oh, and if you meet Bucky by chance, tell him to message me.” She left after Steve assured her he would look out for her brother. 

  
Steve took his time exploring the club and tried his best to get a thorough first impression of every room. There were a few rooms he merely passed through because he wasn’t interested in blood play and knives, as safe as it might be, but sometimes he lingered if a scene caught his attention. 

He watched a domme tying up her sub for half an hour, not really because watching the scene aroused him but because he admired her skill with the rope. In the end, the sub looked like a present, his skin decorated with dark red rope while a tie around the base of his cock stopped him from coming. 

The room that intrigued Steve the most, however, was right next to the main hall. It was only dimly lit, with a huge stage in the middle. In the center of a stage knelt a beautiful blonde woman on a bench. Her ass was raised in the air, wrists cuffed to her ankles, and legs spread. An audience had gathered around the stage, watching as a broad-shouldered dom turned the ass of the woman red, first with his palms and later with a paddle. 

Even though Steve wasn’t attracted to women, he couldn’t deny how beautiful the woman looked. She was panting, tears were running down her face and high-pitched moans escaped her mouth every time the dom hit her abused skin. 

When Steve closed his eyes, he could imagine himself in the same position.  _ God,  _ what would he give to be bent over the bench, his ass presented to the strong dom who could take him down easily? Would he look as good as her? As obscene and needy? How would it feel to be spanked with the plug in his ass?

It got harder and harder to ignore the pleasure coming from the friction against his sweet spot and Steve’s mind started drifting. Every time the sound of a paddle on skin echoed across the room, Steve could feel his hole clenching around the plug. He imagined himself in the place of the woman, and James instead of the dom. Would James call him a good boy? Would he tell Steve how good he looked ass up, his skin a deep red while he was begging for James’s cock like a slut? 

“What do we have here? Aren’t you a cute one?” 

Steve jumped when a nasal voice interrupted his pleasant thoughts and he turned around to see an older man standing right behind him. He looked well dressed, but there was something in the man’s eyes Steve didn’t like. To make it even worse, the man stood way too close to Steve so Steve took a step to the side, trying to bring more distance between them. The man, however, followed suit. 

“T-thanks?”

The man licked his lips, his gaze focused on Steve’s crotch. Shit, his own shorts were tented because of the fantasies about James and the delicious friction against his prostate. The man’s gaze, however, was effective to calm him down again. He didn’t like the hungry gaze in the mand’s eyes.

“What’s your name, pretty boy.” 

“Steve.” He was too overwhelmed to consider lying to the man. Giving him his real name might have been a bad idea. 

“Tsk, what an attitude. Show me some respect, boy.” 

Steve wanted to bite back something venomous, but as he opened his mouth, nothing came out. Instead, he stood there, frozen and mute, until the man put a hand on the outside of Steve’s bare thighs. 

“My name is Alexander Pierce, but you can call me Master.”

Steve pulled back from the touch as if he had burned himself. “I-I’m sorry, but I-I don’t think I want to call you Master.”

“What a shame. Maybe you’ll change your mind when you see what I catch I am.”

The last statement of Pierce eliminated every doubt that the man was an asshole. What was Pierce thinking who he was? The president? He was leering and drooling over Steve. There was no hidden character trait able to make up for his sleazy behavior.

“Come with me, little sub. Let me show you around. And if you stop being a brat, I might even take you to one of the rooms upstairs. Wouldn’t you look pretty all tied up for me?”

“I’m sorry, Sir. I don’t want to. Red.” Calling the man ‘Sir’ was his last attempt at being civil, but the uncomfortable gaze didn’t change and Pierce made no attempts to retreat. 

“That’s an attitude I can work with. Call me ‘Sir’ again. God, you’re practically begging for it with your tight little ass hanging out like this.”

Before Steve could tell Pierce what an asshole he was for approaching him like that and ignoring his safeword, Nat suddenly appeared behind them and pulled the man away from Steve. Pierce was surprised enough not to fight. 

“Leave him alone, Pierce,” Nat said coolly and she had a glim in her eyes Steve had never seen before. “Why are you even here? Haven’t they thrown you out last time?”

“All lies, Romanov.”

“I don’t think so.” Nat’s eyes turned even darker. “Don’t deny that you’ve ignored Steve’s safeword a few minutes ago.”

Pierce smirked, clearly thinking he would win against Nat. “Where are your proofs, sweetheart? I would never turn a blind eye to a safeword.”

Without hesitation, Nat grabbed between Pierce's legs, holding his balls in a tight grip and squeezing every time he made a move. She looked downright scary while Pierce was whimpering in pain. 

“Too bad I’ve talked to the security before I stopped your little game and they were all too eager to throw you out for real this time.” She squeezed one last time before she let him go. “I never want to see you here again.”

Pierce looked like he wanted to murder her as two men came and grabbed him left and right. Just before they hauled him off the club, the man turned around for the last time. 

“Bitch.” Pierce spat at Nat, but he only got a smirk in return. 

“Safe way home, asshole.”

Nat immediately relaxed when the man was gone and turned his focus back onto Steve.

“Are you all right?”

“I’m fine. A little shaken but not too bad. I’m glad they threw him out.”

Nat looked at him seriously, making sure Steve heard what she said next. “If you ever want to play with someone you don’t know, do it here in the rooms upstairs. There’s always security in front of the rooms, ready to step in if someone isn’t playing safe.”

Steve gave her his promise and smiled reassuringly at her. “Let’s forget this incident and mingle with the folks. You’re still looking for Bucky?”

~*~

This time, Nat didn’t let Steve take off alone. She led him through the crowd towards a small secluded booth. A few people greeted them as they passed, some of them knowing Nat, some propositioning Steve, but he shut down all advances. Steve liked the club, even though Pierce had been an asshole, but he didn’t want to play today. Maybe he will look for a dom next time, but at the moment he was content just watching. 

When they finally arrived at the booth, Steve couldn’t stop himself from taking in Clint’s state. The sub looked happy but completely drained, his neck littered with lovebites. His earlier outfit had been swapped to comfy sweats and a soft hoodie. As soon as Nat sat down, Clint cuddled up against her and Steve watched fondly as one of Nat’s hands got tangled up in Clint’s hair. He had never seen more clearly how perfect the two were for each other. 

“Shoot, Steve. How was your evening,” Clint asked and Nat immediately tensed.

“Clint, baby, Pierce has approached him.”

Clint’s eyes widened and he threw a pitiful gaze in Steve’s direction. “Sounds like a nightmare to me.”

Steve waived the concern aside. “It wasn’t that bad. Security threw him out quickly. Actually, my evening was quite nice. I watched an interesting bondage scene and…  _ Uhm _ …” 

Steve paused embarrassed before he would tell too much, but it was already too late. Nat knew exactly what Steve was thinking about. She looked at him with a smirk.

“I found Steve in the ‘impact play’ room getting all worked up. It was adorable. I almost wanted to take his hand and show him what I can do with a crop.”

“Eww, Nat.” Steve grimaced. “Keep it in your pants, or dress, I guess. Clint isn’t enough for you anymore?”

He expected a cocky reply, but Nat only threw a loving smile at Clint and brushed a stray of hair out of her boyfriend’s face. “I’ll never get enough of Clint.”

“Sap,” Steve said without hate, even though he felt a sting of jealousy watching his friends like this. For a moment he wondered if he could have had the same with James, but he shook the thought off quickly. There would be someone for him someday. No need to latch onto the first dom he met. Steve did his best to change the topic before he would get lost in fantasies again. “Where’s your brother by the way?”

Nat took a look at her phone. “He’ll be here any minute. Wrote me five minutes ago that he wanted to pick up some drinks for us first.”

Steve’s gaze wandered across the crowd. There was a man coming towards them, carrying a small tray with several drinks. He was built broadly, with dark hair and probably twice as muscly as Steve himself. Steve felt a small surge of excitement but brushed it off with being nervous about meeting Nat’s brother for the first time. 

However, when the man came closer, Steve’s excuse crumbled. Bucky was by far the most beautiful person Steve had ever met. He had a strong jawline, piercing blue eyes and thighs so thick Steve wanted to bounce on them while he took Bucky’s cock.Bucky was smiling and looked so beautiful that Steve never wanted him to stop.

Crap! It was Nat’s  _ brother  _ Steve was thinking about, but he couldn’t stop the whine as he pictured himself under the man. He was so fucked.

For a moment, sparks seemed to fly. Steve was staring at the man, undressing him with his eyes and imagining what it would be like to be fucked by another man. Bucky wasn’t better off either. Steve could feel the piercing eyes on him, could feel how they roamed over his body, and he couldn’t stop himself from blushing in response. Bucky’s eyes turned even darker. It was almost as if one of Steve’s fantasy came to life. 

That was until Bucky spoke up. “Hi, sister. Didn’t know your best friend looks  _ this _ delicious.”

Steve paled, his stomach was churning and the high he had felt all evening vanished. He should have known this was too good to be true. Bucky looked gorgeous, he was a dom and seemingly interested in Steve, but apparently good things didn’t happen to Steve Rogers.

Before Nat had any time to respond, Steve had jumped to his feet. Because in front of him stood not only Bucky Barnes, Nat’s big brother, but James, sex hotline dom, as well. There was no doubt the deep voice belonged to James. Steve had paid Nat’s brother for sex.

The first tears came as Steve made his way through the crowd. He could hear Nat yelling for him, even though the music drowned out half of her words. Had she known? Of course, she had. She had given him Bucky’s number. Had Bucky known? Had they sat together, discussing poor little Steve, trying to make him a rescue case?

The revelation felt like a betrayal, and Steve was torn between anger and embarrassment. Had Bucky told her everything? Suddenly, Steve felt stupid that he had fallen for their little stunt. Nat was supposed to support him. She knew how difficult it had been for him to give this side of him a try. He wouldn’t have shared half of what he had if he had known that he would actually meet James one day.

Steve didn’t bother to pick up his coat when he left the club. He held his head down, hoping no one would notice his tears. Only when the clean air of the night washed over him, Steve finally slowed down his steps. He didn’t know how to get home since Nat had been driving. He should probably just call a cab. 

Walking down the street next to the club, Steve fumbled for his phone. He already regretted leaving his coat in the club by now, his naked thighs were shivering under the cold air. While he stared at his phone with blurry eyes, Steve sunk down until he sat on the pavement. He didn’t care about ruining his pants, there was no way he would wear them again anytime soon. 

Just before he opened an app to call himself a cap, a dark shadow fell over his shoulder and a familiar voice made him pause.

“Hello, Steve. Can I join you?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the ending. I'll fix it. Promise.  
> Comments would be awesome <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so difficult to write. I'm still not sure whether I like it or not. 
> 
> Thanks for all the comments last time. Enjoy reading and please leave a comment again <3

_ “Hello, Steve. Can I join you?”  _

Steve turned his head when he heard the familiar voice and saw Bucky Barnes standing right behind him. He briefly admired the beautiful view before his brain finally caught up and his expression hardened. Wasn’t it enough to fool poor little Stevie? Did Bucky follow him to rub it in his face?

“What do you want?”

“Nothing. Just to sit with you.”

Bucky was silent as he sat down next to Steve on the pavement, keeping a respectful distance. Steve didn’t know what to say either. His gaze was fixed on the ground while he considered ignoring Bucky and just calling a cab. It was freezing cold outside and he just wanted to crawl into his bed. A second before Steve made the decision to leave, Bucky broke the silence. 

“I swear I didn’t know, Steve. She didn’t tell me either.”

Steve exhaled heavily and it felt like a weight was lifted from his shoulders. Nat crossing boundaries to set him up was one thing, but knowing he was nothing but James’ rescue case would have been too much. Steve was relieved that Bucky’s behavior hadn’t been influenced by pity. It was already enough that Steve had paid him for phone sex.

“I’m glad she didn’t tell me the truth.” Bucky’s words made Steve look up, confusion written all over his face. 

“You’re glad she lied to you?”

Bucky laughed, and Steve couldn’t stop himself from noticing how beautiful the man looked, even though the noise sounded forced. 

“No, but I wouldn’t have talked to you if she told me you’re her best friend. I don’t do business with people I might meet one day.”

“So, you’re not regretting it?” 

A part of Steve was silently begging that James didn’t regret what they had. They had been so close to crossing a line when they had talked, maybe Bucky had even crossed it, and Steve couldn’t stop hoping that it had meant something, that Bucky had enjoyed it as much as Steve did.

“Do I regret talking to you as a customer? No.” 

Steve exhaled relieved for a second time this evening, and finally the tension in his body vanished. 

“Do you regret calling me?”

Steve didn’t even need a second to think. “No.” 

“I like you, Steve. You’re perfectly responsive, eager to please, and really pretty. If things had been different today, I might have asked you out.”

Bucky spoke bluntly, his voice steady and calm, but Steve could see a hint of something ravenous in the other man’s eyes. A shiver ran down Steve’s spine and he trembled visibly. It was the combination of Bucky’s words, of his gaze, of the memories of James telling Steve how to fuck himself with a toy. 

“Are you cold, Steve? Do you want me to warm you up?”

_ Please, I promise I’ll be so good for you. Such a good boy. _

“Yeah.” Steve was almost proud he was merely blushing. At least his voice was stable. The reaction of his body to Bucky’s presence was embarrassing. He felt like a slut for Bucky, easy and pathetic. Unfortunately, the thought did nothing but turn him on even further.

It got worse when Bucky took off his leather jacket for Steve and revealed the skintight henley he was wearing underneath. His arms stretched the fabric obscenely and Steve whimpered when Bucky’s muscles bulged the second Bucky draped his jacket over Steve’s shoulders. 

Steve was almost drowning in Bucky’s jacket, surrounded by the enticing scent of  _ man _ . His traitorous brain supplied him with an image of himself, bouncing on Bucky’s cock while he was dressed in nothing but the heavy leather jacket which was so well worn, and heavy, and drenched in Bucky’s smell-

“Better?”

“Huh?” Steve needed a minute to realize what Bucky was talking about. “Oh, yeah. It’s better. Thank you.”

For a brief moment, something dark flashed across Bucky’s face. Steve didn’t know whether it was hunger, lust or possessiveness he had spotted before it was replaced by the polite smile again. Still, Steve knew it had been there. Bucky was holding himself back, and Steve hadn’t decided if he was relieved or disappointed yet. 

“I’m sorry about how things went down today,” Bucky said so honestly that Steve’s heart clenched. “I don’t regret talking to you before, but that doesn’t mean things were fair to either of us.”

“It’s not your fault, you know?”

“No, it isn’t, but it hurt you anyway.”

Steve shrugged. “I’ll get over it.”

“She didn’t do it to hurt you.” 

_ Yeah, but she didn’t think about telling me the truth either. She might have thought about what I could gain calling you, but had she spared a single thought about how things could go down? What if I would have fucked up? What if I would have panicked? I could have hated surrendering to a dom and there would have been no way to leave it behind since you’re her fucking brother.  _

“I know.”

“She’s angry with herself. Clint told me she just wants you to be happy.”

It was clear as a day that Bucky felt bad for her sister. Steve understood, he didn’t want Nat to suffer either, but he knew she would do it again if he wouldn’t show her now how much she had hurt him. Nat had a serious issue with boundaries. 

“It’s not her motives I’m questioning, it’s how she made decisions for me without asking first. I wouldn’t have called you if I had known you’re her brother. Whatever she imagined would happen, she can’t force it on us. Deliberately not telling me she’s related to you wasn’t ok. There’s a reason why I called a sex hotline instead of meeting a dom in a club. I wanted the anonymity and she took it away. Now I think about what went wrong instead of how hot you are. I don’t think that’s what she wanted to achieve.”

Bucky stared at him for a moment, thinking about his words and connecting it to everything Steve had told him over the phone.  _ Oh god, Steve had told him about his father.  _ The thought should have made him want to run, but the expected fear never came. Instead, Steve was relieved he didn’t have to tell it again. James knew, therefore Bucky knew as well. 

“I get it, Steve. Just because I’m not angry on my behalf doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to be. Hell, even  _ I _ am angry for you. Submission is about being safe, it’s about trust and the certainty that someone will catch you. How can you trust me to take care of you if you don’t know the entire truth? I’m not angry at my sister for what she did to me because she meant well. I’m not angry at your best friend because she didn’t mean to hurt you either. But I’m sure as hell angry at the domme who withhold my identity and risked you breaking down. Just as you said, you wouldn’t have felt safe scening with someone familiar and she should have respected that.”

“Thank you.” Steve was relieved Bucky understood him that well. “I don’t know how to feel or what to do. The situation is driving me crazy. What would you do in my case?”

The question put a smile on Bucky’s face. “I’m honored that you ask for my opinion. I think I would show her that I’m angry and take my time to cool down. If you want to you can still tell Clint that you want to talk to her when you’re ready. He’ll pass it along.”

Steve hummed but stayed quiet otherwise. Bucky was probably right. Steve wasn’t ready to talk to Nat yet, but he didn’t want to throw away the friendship either. He was sick of thinking about Nat, so he might just push the thoughts away until he was ready. 

There was a break in the conversation again where both of them were getting lost in their thoughts. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, quite the opposite. It gave Steve the time to think about what he wanted. 

Bucky had said he would have asked Steve out if things had been different. Would he have said yes? Most definitely. But who said things had to be different? It was Nat who fucked up, not her brother. Bucky was so hot Steve wanted to strip his shorts off and beg the man to fuck him right here where everyone could see. Maybe they could figure out Steve’s desires together despite Nat's interference. If there was just a small part of James in Bucky, they would get along pretty well.

In the end, it was Bucky again who broke the silence. “You think I’m hot?”

“I… Yes.”

“I think you’re hot too. Pretty little sub with huge innocent eyes. My weakness.”

The words were the last incentive Steve needed. They might not work out, maybe James was just a persona Bucky made up, but Steve wanted to find out. 

“You can still try, you know?”

“Try what?” Bucky asked, confused.

“Try to ask me out?”

“I can?” Bucky looked at him hopefully. 

“Listen, Bucky, James?”

“Bucky is fine.”

“Listen, Bucky. The reason why I stopped calling you is that I’m ready to try more. Experiencing BDSM on the phone was like a safety blanket. It helped me to get used to the thought of being submissive. That doesn’t mean I’ll never be ready to try it for real. I  _ am  _ ready. That’s why I was here today. I didn’t plan on getting picked up, but I hadn’t ruled it out either. Yeah, Nat fucked it up, but you didn’t. So you can ask me again.”

It was the moment Bucky understood and his entire demeanor changed. Gone was the considerate man, replaced by something that Steve had previously only linked to James. If there had been any doubts left whether James was a part of Bucky, they were crushed by now. 

Bucky sat up straight, his shoulders not slumping anymore and his intense gaze wandered over Steve’s body without holding back. The man next to Steve was undoubtedly a dom who knew what he wanted. 

“Do you want to go out with me, Steve? It can be dinner, it can be more. Whatever you want.”

Steve hadn’t known that there was an option for more, but he would gladly take it. 

“I want both, Sir.”

Addressing Bucky as ‘Sir’ did exactly what Steve had anticipated. The man shifted closer, gone was the respectful distance, and Steve could feel a hand on his thigh. He blushed in response, his gaze lowered to the ground again, but before he had any chances to hide, Bucky grabbed his chin and forced Steve to look him in the eyes.

“God, it’s so hard not to fuck you right here right now. Do you know what you do to people with those shorts? I can almost see where you need my cock the most, presenting your ass like this.”

Steve whimpered needily while his eyes fluttered close. Bucky was behaving just like James did. Maybe Steve was right. Maybe James  _ was  _ a part of Bucky and not just a made up persona.

“There’s nothing I want more right now than taking you home, fuck you in my bed, and show you what a real cock would feel like.”

“I- Bucky, Sir.  _ Please _ .” Steve’s cock twitched in his pants, pressing uncomfortably against the fabric while the tight shorts didn’t give him any room to grow. It hurt so deliciously that moaned out loudly, waiting for the command to follow Bucky into his bed.

But the command never came.

“I’m sorry, Steve. That wasn’t appropriate. Let me call you a cab.”

Steve couldn’t stop himself from feeling disappointed, even though he knew following Bucky now wouldn’t be a good idea. If they planned to have dinner as well, Steve should stay in his own bed tonight. He couldn’t be trusted to control himself around Bucky, and the dom didn’t seem to be better off either.

“Okay.”

Bucky pulled out his phone and finally called Steve a cab. Steve wanted the evening to last longer, but he didn’t want to risk going too far tonight. Even a few minutes waiting for the cab turned out to be a test of their patience. Bucky’s hands twitched more than once and Steve could have sworn that he felt the ghost of a touch on his half-exposed ass at one point.

“Can I pick you up tomorrow, 7 pm? Clint can give me our address.” Bucky asked when the cab finally arrived, his eyes dark with arousal.

“Yes, Sir. Anything special you want me to wear?” Bucky’s eyes flashed again as Steve addressed him respectfully, but he didn’t react otherwise.

“Dress comfortably. I want you to relax around me.”

“Of course, Sir. I can’t wait for you to take me out and fuck me after.”

Steve laughed and stood up before Bucky could grab him. He threw a seductive smile over his shoulder, knowing all too well that the teasing would have consequences later. He could hear Bucky growl behind him and did his best to swing his hips enticingly while he walked over to the waiting cab. 

“Goddamn tease.” The effect he had on Bucky was wonderful.

“Oh, and Sir?”

“Yes?” Bucky gritted his teeth to hold back.

“I’m gonna wear panties for you tomorrow.”

Without looking back to see Bucky’s reaction, Steve got into the cab. He couldn’t wait for Bucky to show him just how much Steve had riled him up today.

~*~

When Steve opened the door of his apartment it was already past midnight. He dropped his keys and Bucky’s jacket on the kitchen table and walked straight to his closet to change into something warm and comfortable. As great as the shorts were for driving Bucky crazy, his legs were frozen from sitting outside for too long and he exhaled in relief as he finally slipped into his most comfy sweats. 

Steve was bone-deep tired, but he knew he couldn’t sleep yet so he made himself a cup of tea and sat down on his living-room couch. His thoughts were spiraling. While half of his brain was occupied with Nat, the other half was focused on Bucky. 

_ God, _ the man had been so perfect. Handsome, strong, authoritative, and so intense. Steve could still feel the piercing eyes on him, could still smell the musky scent, and hear the dark voice. There was no doubt left that Bucky wanted Steve just as much as Steve wanted Bucky and the thought made Steve’s stomach flutter in excitement. 

Steve was glad he hadn’t pressured Bucky into taking him home. The evening had been taxing and Steve was under no illusion that BDSM would seep into their sex life right away. Bucky had to merely look at him and Steve wanted to fall onto his knees, hands behind his back and ass in the air. It probably wasn’t a good idea to jump headfirst into a scene while Steve felt as vulnerable and disappointed as he felt right now. Unfortunately, his cock hadn’t understood the message yet. 

It took merely three looks towards the kitchen table until Steve carved and picked up Bucky’s leather jacket. The smell was heavenly. Steve buried his nose in the fabric while his hand slipped inside his sweatpants, grazing his cock and wandering further until a finger was pressed against his dry hole. He didn’t press in, there would be no going back and Steve wanted to wait until tomorrow when he saw Bucky again. Waiting for his dom would always be worth it. 

For a while, Steve was playing himself. The arousal was warm and comforting, nothing of the burning hunger he had felt around Bucky. This was Steve playing with himself, no dom, no rules, but no reassurance and guidance either. It was only when his muscle loosened and the arousal changed into something needier that Steve stopped himself. If he was lucky, he would get fucked tomorrow. He could wait another day.

His body came down slowly. Steve turned on the TV in the background, sipped his tea, and pulled out his phone. He had six missed calls, one from Nat, and the rest from Clint. The events of the evening were slowly coming back to him and pushed the last traces of his arousal aside. Nat had left him a single message.

**From Nat to Steve [11:43 pm]:** I’m sorry. 

As angry as Steve was, he appreciated that she hadn’t showered him with apologies and excuses. She probably knew she had fucked up and that he wanted to be left alone for now. Opening Clint’s chat, Steve typed a reply. 

**From Steve to Clint [2:11 am]:** Hey, tell your girlfriend I need time. I’ll get in touch again when I’m ready. 

The reply came immediately.

**From Clint to Steve [2:11 am]:** Done.

**From Steve to Clint [2:12 am]:** We can still meet up if you’re up to it. Who else am I going to tell about my hot date tomorrow? 

**From Clint to Steve [2:13 am]:** OMG, is it Bucky? TELL ME IT’S BUCKY!!! Did he catch you after the club? Is it a date or a hookup? Does he want to be your dom? 

Steve laughed when he read the enthusiastic words of his friend.

**From Steve to Clint [2:15 am]:** I think it’s sex  _ and  _ more. We’ll see if it works. The attraction is crazy, but let’s see how the rest will come along. Don’t worry, I’ll keep you updated. Any advice for panties? ;)

**From Clint to Steve [2:15 am]:** Little Stevie is growing up ;) My advice: as little fabric as possible.

Looking at the time again, Steve finally put his phone aside and slipped into his bed. Tomorrow will be a busy day. He had to shop for a pair of panties and wash it before Bucky would pick him up. He was so excited that not even the thought of buying women’s underwear could ruin the anticipation.

Steve actually managed to smile before he finally fell asleep. He had a hot dinner date and might even try out the next step of his fantasies tomorrow. Things with Nat could be fixed later. 


End file.
